Imaginary Candidates Add Spice to Elections

Larry Schmeltzer was one of more than a hundred candidates grappling for spots on the Undergraduate Council last week. But there was one thing that set Schmeltzer, a first-year, apart from the rest of the contenders.

He doesn't exist.

The Schmeltzer campaign wooed constituents with aggressive tabling efforts in the Science Center, announcements at the Union and signs reading, "Remember, I am the voice of the people and they are calling me" and, "Larry Schmeltzer: Born at a very young age. Consistently pays child support."

But what, the disaffected voter may ask, does Larry Schmeltzer really stand for?

"He stands for more than just democracy," says Steven A. Raizes '96, campaign co-chair. "He stands for mom, baseball and apple pie with ice cream."

In a telling election-year tactic, the council went after Schmeltzer's handlers rather than the candidate himself.

"They're a couple of wise guys who wanted to have fun with U.C. elections, andwere pretty impressive in their efforts," saysMalcolm A. Heinicke '93, council vice chair.

David A. Aronberg '93, outgoing council chair,sees a more insidious trend developing for councilelections, a history of fake candidates with whicheveryone should be more concerned.

"It seems that any given election will involve`alternative votes,' prompted by vile anarchistsintent upon ruining the democratic fiber of ourstudent government," said Aronberg, tongue firmlyin cheek.

But Matt J. Preskenis '96, a Schmeltzercampaign co-chair, said his fictional candidateoffers a special appeal: "There's more to him thanmeets the eye, especially since there is nothingthere to meet the eye."

Schmeltzer was not the only non-candidate oncouncil ballots this year. A Dunster Housegrassroots campaign tried to catapult longtimenon-candidate candidate Ross Perot into studentgovernment because Harvard, too, needs to "cleanout the barn and take out the trash," as onecampaign poster put it.

Alas, perhaps due to a lack of anti-incumbentzeal, or a prevailing feeling among voters thatthere actually is no "gridlock" in councilpolitics--or maybe because the council didn'tcount their votes--neither Perot nor Schmeltzerwon seats on the council.

Raizes calls the council's decision not tocount Schmeltzer's votes prejudicial againstnon-entities.

"We call it Larrygate," Raizes says. "We refuseto be silent. The people have spoken...and theyhave said, `Schmeltzer.'

David A. Aronberg '93, outgoing council chair,sees a more insidious trend developing for councilelections, a history of fake candidates with whicheveryone should be more concerned.

"It seems that any given election will involve`alternative votes,' prompted by vile anarchistsintent upon ruining the democratic fiber of ourstudent government," said Aronberg, tongue firmlyin cheek.

But Matt J. Preskenis '96, a Schmeltzercampaign co-chair, said his fictional candidateoffers a special appeal: "There's more to him thanmeets the eye, especially since there is nothingthere to meet the eye."

Schmeltzer was not the only non-candidate oncouncil ballots this year. A Dunster Housegrassroots campaign tried to catapult longtimenon-candidate candidate Ross Perot into studentgovernment because Harvard, too, needs to "cleanout the barn and take out the trash," as onecampaign poster put it.

Alas, perhaps due to a lack of anti-incumbentzeal, or a prevailing feeling among voters thatthere actually is no "gridlock" in councilpolitics--or maybe because the council didn'tcount their votes--neither Perot nor Schmeltzerwon seats on the council.

Raizes calls the council's decision not tocount Schmeltzer's votes prejudicial againstnon-entities.

"We call it Larrygate," Raizes says. "We refuseto be silent. The people have spoken...and theyhave said, `Schmeltzer.'