Advice to Pre-Frosh From Gopher, Guhan . . . . . . Guides and Geeks-- Come Aboard !

"Thanks to Harvard's multifaceted education, I have been able to launch two careers, one in entertainment, one in politics. The diversity of the staff, student body and curriculum will stand anyone's career in good stead. I encourage all those who have the opportunity to attend."

--Fred L. Grandy '70 is a Congress-person from Iowa. He played Gopher in Love Boat.

"Harvard is cooler than I expected it to be. The people are great and we do a lot of things beside study--like play sports, party, play sports and party. We're going to have a great time next year."

--Dave Rogers '93 is a 6'5", 250 lb. offensive tackle. He recently stopped a mugging in London.

"Harvard offers a number of strong attractions. From my point of view, the most important is the extraordinary group of undergraduates we have here. If it is not the best, it is one of the most exciting and active groups of students. We are really unparalleled in this aspect."

--L. Fred Jewett '57 is dean of the College.

"When I was a pre-frosh, I learned how to play Tetris. I spent a lot of time sitting in classes and not understanding or caring what was going on and I drank too much. Come to think of it, pre-frosh week is a perfect microcosm of my entire first year of college."

--Adam Webb '93 is a North Yard representative to the Undergraduate Council.

The Number Two Pre-Frosh Lie

There are big parties in Boylston, Sever and Straus E.

"It's a big decision you've got to make, whether or not to come to Harvard-Radcliffe. Four years is a large chunk of your life. The only way to really find out whether you would like it here or not--at a deep-down, gut-level feeling--is to attend the May 5th Ziggy Marley and the Melodymakers concert. That will give you a solid understanding of what life at Harvard is all about. Then--and only then--you can make an intelligent and truly informed decision."

--Guhan Subramanian '91 is chair of the Undergraduate Council, the student representative body that has invested several thousand dollars in the Ziggy Marley concert.

"In this regard, both Yale and Harvard offer a skeleton on which you hang marvellous pieces of intellectual experiences for the rest of your life. They give you a framework. Of course, there are differences between the two colleges, and they are wonderful."

--Walter D. Littell '55 is a Yale University spokesperson.

"Real Harvard life isn't like the free ride pre-frosh week makes it seem like. After you get here there are no more free a cappella concerts, and no more ice skating unless you're on a hockey team. The grass isn't even this green usually--they spray painted that on for you."

--James M. Harmon '93 is an Undergraduate Council representative.

"Four years of Harvard is just enough time for Harvard to make decent people stress fiends and anal animals--even in such a way that they actually believe Harvard has made them good students. It's important to get out after four years with that shred of a chance to salvage your original personality and humanness."

--Elizabeth M. Clyma '90 is a senior in Leverett House.

"As I live in the Quad, I am not quite qualified to speak about Harvard life. But what I can say is that even though Harvard's academic system is not perfect, it could be worse--at least they accepted you."

--Robinson O. Everett '90 is the director of humor for the Harvard Lampoon.

Crimson Key Society

"Welcome to Harvard! After reading Barron's guide to colleges, you are probably well aware of Harvard statistics. Throw those boring numbers out the window this week. Instead, check out the kiosks around the Yard. You won't believe the number of activities waiting to be tried. Whether you participate by joining or simply by watching the event, you will never be bored.

"Make a trip to one of the upperclass houses. The residential system is one of the more unique characteristics of the school. The first phase is the most exciting. As a first-year student in the Yard, you will be in the center of Harvard life. You'll meet an incredible number of people and can literally roll out of bed into class. House life offers you a special place in an intellectual and social community. There are intramural sports and dances, and there are always residential tutors available to offer guidance or to shoot some pool.

"Also, walk around Cambridge or go into Boston. Harvard's location is an often overlooked paradise. Pick up lasagna in the North End. Walk the Freedom Trail. Go Dancing at a club.

"You'll never cover all of Harvard and Boston in one weekend. You have to come for four years to even make a jump. It will always be different, and you'll never outgrow it."

--Jennifer E. Brumage '90 on behalf of the Crimson Key Society

Society of Nerds and Geeks (SONG)

"I hope that most of you will decide to spend your next four years here, for Harvard is one of the best centers of knowledge and research in the world. Yet a lot of students here do not make the full use of its vast intellectual resources. Although ostensibly everyone is here to learn, there is tremendous peer pressure against taking studying seriously and against doing above the minimum amount of work required to get a good grade.

"I hope that you will not choose to follow the crowd in pursuing knowledge only for its utilitarian purpose and only as a good in itself. I also hope that you will join SONG in our nationwide campaign to change public attitudes towards education and the intellect."

--Leonid Fridman '85 is a founder of SONG.

Harvard Republican Club

"The Harvard Republican Club, the oldest and largest political organization at Harvard, would like to pass on a few words of advice. Without a doubt, Harvard is one of the best colleges in the nation. Its history and resources speak for themselves. But if one looks behind its ivy covered walls, one will see that the brick is crumbling. A fog of liberalism has descended upon Harvard, causing moral relativism to become the norm.

"Traditional values such as patriotism, family and religion have been replaced by Marxism, feminism and gay rights. It will take time and effort to rebuild Harvard's crumbling walls, but with your help, it can be done. As we work to bring values back on campus, we ask that you aid us in making this college something we can all be proud of."

--Sumner E. Anderson '92 is president of the Harvard Republican Club.

Harvard-Radcliffe Democrats

"The Harvard-Radcliffe Democrats represent the majority political opinion on campus. Our major objective is to revive student participation which has stagnated due to the indifference of the Reagan-Bush era. We want to get students involved in issues and action instead of just ideology. In Harvard's long history, the Democrats have provided a solid base of political thought and action to the University community and the world. Many former Harvard Democrats such as Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy have gone on to lead the country in the liberal tradition they were part of at Harvard."

--Jeff C. Stravino '92 is president of Harvard-Radcliffe Democrats.

Top 10 Pre-Frosh Faux Pas

10. Don't admit that your parents or any of your ancestors went to Harvard.

9. Don't ask questions during one of the Q&A sessions. Your name will be written down and your offer of admission revoked.

8. Don't show up drunk, banging on your host's door at 3 a.m. and expect to be let in.

7. Don't wear your prep school jacket.

6. Don't say you aren't coming to Harvard because the social life sucks. You'll only look stupid when you show up in the fall.

5. Don't talk about how many A.P. tests you still have to take.

4. Don't ask Professor of Government Joseph S. Nye to sign your mother's copy of Bound to Lead during a lecture.

3. Don't try out your cheesy fake ID at any of the bars or liquor stores in the Square.

2. Don't wear your newly purchased Harvard sweatshirt.

1. Don't tell anyone your SAT scores.

Pre-Frosh Survival Dictionary

. A School in Massachusetts: Euphemism for Harvard. See also: a school in Boston, a school up North, Hartford University.

. Concentration: The same as a major, but with twice the syllables.

. Core Curriculum: The distribution system that allows you to take one-fourth of your classes with 300 of your closest friends.

. Expository Writing: The second most unnecessary requirement for first-year students at Harvard.

. Frank's Oriental Fish: Frank has dedicated his life to a four-year culinary persecution of those who made the fateful decision to attend Harvard. You'll get to know Frank's cyclical method intimately, should you decide to attend.

. Gut: Any course in which all assigned reading is superfluous because everything is contained in the lectures. See also: Heroes for Zeros, Blocks for Jocks, Quarks for Dorks, Spots and Dots.

. House: Somewhere between home and institution.

. Humility: No standard usage.

. Non-ordered choice: A statistical labyrinth designed to make Harvard students confused about their housing assignments. See also: Quad.

. Quad: Harvard's hidden paradise--very hidden.

. The Quantitative Reasoning Requirement: You thought Expository Writing was silly? --Compiled by the editorial staff of The Harvard Crimson.