Trombone?

To the Editors of The Crimson:

I write in reference to the egregious allegations made towards me in the caption of a picture on the front page of your edition of October 9, 1990. The wrongs done me were twofold, and I wish to address both aspects of your error.

The caption and sequence of photographs clearly imply that I was attempting to warp the psyche of the youthful audience member for whom I was playing. You have portrayed me as a terrorizer of children; in specific, a malicious tormentor of little boys. Thanks to your picture, community members spit on me as they pass and parents warn their children away from me.

The second of my complaints is by far the most serious. In your caption, you malign me yet again, this time by classifying my musical instrument as a trombone. It is with profound regret and shame that I find myself forced to tutor your staff in the most basic distinctions between members of the brass family.

My melodious instrument is no trombone; nay, it is the most noble, most formidable of the brasses, the B-Flat Sousaphone, named after the distinguished composer and band master, John Philip Sousa. Had you termed the instrument a tuba, I would have been satisfied, as the distinction is not one that the uninitiated often grasp; but classification as a trombonist is more than I can reasonably stomach.

Now, in addition to suffering the taunts and accusative stares of parents, I find myself and my instrument lost and foundering in a vast ocean of ridicule and misunderstanding promulgated by your misinformed captionist.

I write to you now seeking not redress for the injuries done me, for my life as a brass player and friend of children has been shattered beyond repair, but rather to protect future tubists from wrongful harm at your hands. David Dobson '91   Tubist Harvard University Band

Editor's Note: The Crimson extends its sincere apologies to all tubas.