Hipitude: Cubbies and O's Are Cool

It's inevitable--the Chicago Cubs and the Baltimore Orioles will meet in the World Series.

The reason is hipness.

Right now, the coolest thing to be is a fan of either the O's or the Cubbies.

Before this year, I have never seen anyone dare to step out in public with a Baltimore baseball cap. Last year, a lot of fans wore paper bags. Now, wearing the insignia of a bird on your head is hipper than loafers without socks.

Hey dude, nice bird.

The Orioles, however, cannot match the hipitude of the Cubs. Sure, President Bush and the rest of Washington's socialites have paid several visits to Memorial Stadium. But the Cubs have a hip comedian (Bill Murray), a hip conservative (George Will) and a hip hometown announcer (Harry Caray).

The Cubs versus the Orioles in the Series. Too hip for me.

As a tribute to hipness, we offer the top 10 hippest Baltimore Oriole nick-names (compiled by Charm City locals Andy Fine and Andy Cameron, with an assist by yours truly):

10. Brady "Bunch" Anderson.

9. Cal "Berkeley" Ripken, Jr.

8. Tim Hulett "Packard."

7. Mickey "Tete a" Tettleton.

6. Craig "How Much am I" Worthington.

5. Randy "Run of the" Milligan.

4. "Three Pennies to the" Schilling.

3. Larry "Between the" Sheets.

2. Kevin "I've got to Cover up my" Hickey.

1. "Just Walk Away" Rene Gonzales.

Here's a thought: Now that the United States was awarded the America's Cup again, do you think New Zealand will get steamed enough to spring a surprise attack on Easter Island?

I don't know about you, but knowing that the Cup is back in the hands of Dennis Conner makes me real damn proud to be an American.

I like Mike Grunwald; he's a good friend of mine.

The comment he made about golfers in his U.S. Open column last week, however, was a desperate swipe at humor.

To say that golfers aren't athletes is like calling Guns n' Roses a sophisticated adult contemporary band.

Has Mr. Grun-blings ever walked 36 holes in 90 degree weather? He probably likes to whiz around in covered golf carts, instead.

So, maybe golfers don't have Tony Mandarich bodies or Carl Lewis legs. But anyone who can drive a tiny, white ball more than 300 yards and have it land right in the middle of the fairway must have plenty of mental toughness and just the correct amount of athletic ability.

Yes, Mike, golfers are athletes.

P.S.: Greg Norman is out to get you.

Do the Mets know they're still in a pennant race? Monday night at Shea Stadium, the Metsies were hosting the first-place Cubs in a key pennant race game. With the Mets losing in the ninth inning, Darryl Strawberry and Kevin McReynolds decided to watch the rest of the game from the locker room.

Well, while the two watched in air-conditioned comfort, New York rallied. The Mets scored two runs to slim the Chicago lead to 10-6 and proceeded to load the bases with two outs. Next up: Strawberry.

The Straw Man had to come out of the clubhouse to bat. He struck out to end the game. Manager Davey Johnson, who reportedly had a shouting match with Strawberry after the slugger whiffed, benched and fined the two cheerleaders.

Oh no, the Mets are starting to act like the Yankees.

Wade Boggs will not win his fifth straight American League batting title. Poor Wade.

Mike Lupica of The New York Daily News said it best: Everyone in baseball will play in a World Series before Yankee first baseman Don Mattingly does.

Here's one: 10 years ago, the Pittsburgh Steelers were the defending Super Bowl champions. Now, they have allowed 92 points in their first two games of the season.

Washington Redskin Coach Joe Gibbs better check and see if God is still on his side after last Sunday's loss to Philadelphia. Looks like Eagles Coach Buddy Ryan has been making a few extra visits to the chapel.