Survival of the Fittest

You are all so weak, and we are all so strong.

For the past three years, Leverett House has had the pleasure of laughing at your feeble and pathetic attempts to make a showing on Raft Race Day. Each year, we have scoffed at you all, easily and rightfully walking away with the coveted Raft Race trophy.

Every year the Outing Club returns with the same losing entry. They succeed in distinguishing themselves both as cowards, protecting their delicate complexions behind raincoats and riot helmets, and as dullards, foolishly believing they can pass off their Grumman canoes as hand-made. To these paragons of ignorance we can only say, stay indoors, it may rain.

To Currier House we grant the distinction of being our fondest amusement. Each year, these hapless schlemiels manage to defy overwhelming odds and choke miserably. Squandering the legacy of a long-forgotten Marine Engineering Tutor, Currier's yachtsmen use their wondrous and speedy craft exclusively as a means to embarrass themselves. Nonetheless, their most remarkable achievement is not their genius for finding abjectly humiliating ways to lose, but their talent for having absolutely no fun in their attempts.

Truly, the hapless exploits of our 'rivals' test the limits of our boundless disdain. We would sincerely like to sprinkle faint praise upon other participants for their creativity and zeal, but in good faith, we cannot.

THE rules (in case the U.C. forgot them):

1. Rafts must be hand-made.

2. No motors.

3. No more than 300 pairs of shoes per raft.

4. Second across the finish line wins. First across loses.

5. "No throwing of projectiles."

6. There are no other rules.

(Note: We have obligations as human beings to not injure one another. A sound principle in general, and convenient for ensuring the perpetuity of the event.)

The challenge exists. You may either permit the Raft Race to dwindle into the sort of event favored by Administrators, grandmothers and the pony-riding milquetoasts of Eliot House...or preserve the original intent of this, the last true bastion of fun at Harvard. Nothing short of House pride is at stake here. Those who do not will have to live with their sheepish unworthy selves for yet another year. We challenge you all to take to heart the motto of the Three-Time Champion Leverett House Raft Race Corps.

P.S. To the Freshmen, a note of encouragement: You may be young but you are still weak.

With all due respect,

The Leverett House Raft Race Corps