A Golfer's Worst Nightmare

Forget about 1989 Masters champion Nick Faldo and his green jacket. Every golfer in the world should always remember Scott Hoch, the runner-up.

Hoch had two chances to win the Masters. Two three-foot putts. Two 60-foot misses.

That is why anyone who has ever played golf should feel sorry for Hoch. If we had a dollar for all the easy putts we have missed, we would have enough money to solve the federal deficit and the Latin American debt crisis, with plenty left over to purchase a few fast-food franchises.

Golf is a strange game. A bounce here, a roll there, and the difference between a green jacket and frustration is immense. Hoch learned that Sunday in Augusta, Ga. But countless golfers know how he feels.

The top 10 miraculous things that might happen now that the New York Knicks captured their first Atlantic Division title (oh, miracle of miracles) in a very, very long time:

10. Tommy John will retire.

9. John McEnroe will win Wimbledon again.

8. The New Jersey Nets will learn how to pass a basketball.

7. Wade Boggs will hit a home run in the bottom of the ninth with two men on and the Red Sox down two runs.

6. Baseball will remain on NBC with Vin Scully.

5. The Miami Heat will sneak into the NBA playoffs because they have great uniforms and a sharp-looking logo.

4. President Bush will tell us that it was all a big, funny joke. Dan Quayle is really the White House newspaper boy and resident milkman.

3. Phil Esposito will apologize to all the Ranger fans in the world for shaking the team up two days before the playoffs began and then starting an untested rookie goaltender, Mike Richter, in the game in which the Rangers were eliminated from the playoffs.

2. Brent Musberger will shut up.

1. The Chicago Cubs will win the World Series.

Junior Elliot Thomson, an avid New York Yankee fan, said it best: "Ken Phelps will have more home runs than RBI this year."

Detroit's Isis Thomas (6 ft.) tried to beat up Chicago's Bill Cartwright (7 ft.). Thomas is out for three weeks with a injured wrist. Somewhere in Cleveland, people are celebrating.

Junior Rob Manhole, an avid Celtics fan, has made it public: The Celtics should not make the NBA playoffs. Then they'll get the chance to draft Michigan's Glen Rice.

Sometimes I wonder: Will Morgan Magic ever return?

Here's how the Bruins will beat the Canadians in the Adams Division finals: Cam Nelly, Cam Nelly, Cam Nelly.

Truth?

The management of heavyweight boxer Carl "The Truth" Williams took out a full-page ad Monday in The New York Post challenging Mike Tyson to a championship bout. Let me get this straight, there was "Truth" in The Post?

Boggs received a standing ovation Tuesday in Fenway Park. Opening Day does things like that to fans.

Okay, what's this new movie Major League modeled after? The Natural? Bull Durham? The Bad News Bears Go to Japan? All three?

Did you know that the tournament organizers for the Masters specifically said that they did not want Musberger to host the CBS telecast? I wonder why.

Finally, boxing legend Sugar Ray Robinson, 63, died yesterday. The world is a little bit sadder today.