A Much-Needed Dialogue

I want to try--as BGLSA Co-Chair and Kiss-in participant--to clarify some things about the Mather Kiss-in and the discourse it has triggered. First, Mather is a tender and accepting house overall, a house bold enough to consider difficult issues.

In the meeting called by the house masters last Saturday, Mather residents cared enough to share very personal feelings. I admire my fellow Mather residents for their openness. That kind of meeting--unprecedented at Harvard--constitutes a successful first step at learning from each other. I am also touched by the Mather residents who, before connected to BGLSA or Defeat Homophobia, took it upon themselves to make and display pink triangles in an effort to make bisexual, lesbian, and gay people feel welcome.

The Kiss-in itself was intended to be self-affirmative in nature. Through the Kiss-in, we sought to assert our own good feelings for each other in public and express our sadness that homophobia exists at Harvard. We said that "Bigoted harassments against any group are unacceptable and will not be tolerated." We were asking everyone to join us in protesting a series of homophobic harassments and condemning bigoted reactions to any conflict.

We said at the Kiss-in that the incident which precipitated the Kiss-in "sprang from misunderstanding." I'm deeply dismayed that the Kiss-in seemed to some an endorsement of one version of the incident. Some Mather residents feel accused of bigotry because conflicting versions of the incident exist. A person is not bigoted for thinking that harassment may have occurred in both directions.

I am happy that the Kiss-in created a dialogue about homophobia. Yet I am frightened when the pain and fear expressed by many bisexual, lesbian and gay members of the Harvard community is greeted by defensiveness. To all members of our community, I say simply that many people among us feel so unsafe that they cannot live openly; even friends and relatives can feel forced to hide their sexual feelings. More than a few have been both verbally and physically harassed. All of us are consequently cut off from people who could enrich our lives.

HOMOPHOBIC incidents are not isolated events which affect an isolated group of people. Homophobia is a pernicious force of social control. The same homophobia that makes me afriad to go to a dance with my boyfriend prevents Congress from adequately funding AIDS education programs. Meanwhile, the disease spreads and threatens everyone. That same homophobia may discourage some women--gay, bi, or hetero--from taking a Women's Studies course because they fear being stereotyped. Homophobia involves us all, regardless of who we love, or how we define our sexualities.

At the meeting, one person said he just didn't know how to respond to lesbian, gay and bisexual people. This constructive dialogue must continue. Whether through talking with openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual individuals, through BGLSA events or through workshops of campus groups that address issues of sexual orientation, we all have a lot to learn from each other.

Another student at the meeting shared concerns arising from his Catholic religion. He certainly treats bisexual, lesbian, and gay people with respect and kindness. He understandably did not like being thought of a as a bigot. However, there are actually many Catholic groups, such as Dignity USA, that advocate on behalf of bisexual, lesbian and gay people; here, the United Ministries and the Catholic Student Center welcome lesbian, gay and bisexual people. Roman Catholic myself, I have come to understand that what I feel is simply unavoidable love. I decided that, in this violent world, there's not so much love that I can reject it just because it happens to go in a particular direction.

And treating lesbian, bisexual, and gay people with respect while still maintaining disapproval of homosexuality does have some saddening ramifications:

Since my being gay isn't for me merely an aspect of my behavior but rather my love, I still perceive my identity as being disdained. It would be similar if a Black person were told that although blackness is distasteful or immoral, he or she is "o.k." For members of both a racial and sexual minority, prejudice is compounded.

The disapproval sets the stage for the bashing performed by others--a spiralling problem in our country.

The disapproval helps keep some bisexual, lesbian, and gay people afraid to live openly; the stress of maintaining a lie can cause depression and even suicide.

The disapproval implies that I'm incapable of being a responsible and loving parent--or even a role model.

In short, gay and lesbian and bisexual people are hurting simply because they feel love. I must therefore seek and hope for greater acceptance.

Finally, let us think twice before denying homophobia around us. The Crimson recently paraphrased students as saying that the Saturday meeting was about deciding "how much toleration of different sexual orientations is necessary." That very statement is fraught with homophobia. Total toleration and even celebration of all sexual orientations--homo, bi, and hetero--is not only necessary, but is in the best interests of us all.

Joe Cice '89-90 is co-chair of the Bisexual & Gay & Lesbian Student Association.