Wicked Good Fun

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

Written by Sam Egan, John Paragon

and Cassandra Peterson

Directed by James Signorelli

At the USA Cinema 57

I'VE long been a fan of Elvira, not just because she's sexy or funny, but also because Elvira (a.k.a. Cassandra Peterson) comes from Colorado Springs, Colo., and I root for anyone who shoots for stardom from my home state.

Elvira, for those of you are not familiar with this self-styled Mistress of the Dark, this cross between Morticia Addams and Moon Unit Zappa, she is the hostess of a syndicated TV show that features laughably egregious horror and sci-fi movies. She frequently interrupts the movies to offer her own unique variety of peanut-gallery comments. She is also famous for her neckline, which is as low as her bouffant is high.

It was only a matter of time, of course, before Elvira brought her many charms to the big screen. (Actually, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark is not Peterson's screen debut; she has had bit parts in a number of movies, including a Fellini film.) But the leap from TV to film is not a large one for Elvira: she brought along her TV writing team, veteran music video director James Signorelli and the financing muscle of NBC productions.

But film is not just television writ large, and TV-bred filmmakers seem incapable of avoiding the trap of putting stories and images better suited to the confines of the idiot box on the big screen, adding special effects and a few cuss words. There is also the danger, to the filmgoer, that such a project is little more than a 90-minute commercial for tchatchkes with the star's name on them.

Fortunately, Elvira is more than just an extended TV show. Not much more, but as Elvira herself would probably say, whadja expect? Great art or sump'n?

ELVIRA plays a character who (surprise!) is the hostess of a TV horrorflick show. Or was, rather. Out of work, she finds herself in dire financial straits until she learns that she has inherited a mansion. But the mansion is creepy, and it has a "recipe book" in the kitchen that Elvira's sinister Uncle Vincent (W. Morgan Sheppard) will go to any length to obtain. Mansion, magic book and menacing uncle are in a morally uptight, Salem-like Massachusetts town called Fallwell, run by gossipy biddy Chastity Pariah (Edie McClurg).

Naturally, Elvira disrupts the town's entire existence, turning the head of every repressed lecher in Fallwell and turning fun-starved teens against their parents faster than you can say "Footloose." She also discovers that she has magical powers that rival Uncle Vinnie's the exercise of which lead to the inevitable burning-at-the-stake scene at the end of the movie.

If you think this sounds like a horror flick every bit as bad as the ones Elvira makes fun of on her show, you're partially right. Elvira's quickness with self-deprecating quips suggests that she knows how bad the film is. Elvira also gives herself opportunities to parody other films and various TV shows, including her own.

Yeah, the film could be a lot funnier. Few of the jokes have anything to do with the situation. Most are sight gags and double entendres, and a lot have to do with Elvira's cleavage. Though this sort of humor is usually enough to carry her TV show, it is not enough to carry a feature-length film.

Still, there are a few hilarious moments, such as the reading of the will, which turns into a game show-style showcase of prizes, and the witchburning scene, at which three Brownies show up with marshmallows and sticks. Moments like these will make Elvira worth seeing, provided the horror queen is your cup of blood to begin with. If she isn't, this movie won't change your mind.

Oh yes, I shouldn't have worried so much about whether Elvira: Mistress of the Dark was just an excuse for merchandising; Elvira ain't exactly the Care Bears. Still, if you went to the Law School Film Society's screenings last night, you had the option of picking up Elvira t-shirts, studded wristbands and even a cookbook inspired by the movie, featuring Elvira's recipes for "Transylvanian Ghoulash," "Bedeviled Eggs" and "Welsh Rare-Bats." Yum.