Final Club Fallacies

To the Editors of The Crimson:

In reference to your April 4th editorial, "Final Clubs: Battling Elitism," you wrote "It's impossible to attack the final clubs on strictly legal grounds for charging money and choosing who they want--thousands of (other clubs) do the same thing. Financiai elitism is protected by our laws, gender elitism is not." Gender discrimination is clearly practiced by the clubs: none of the nine presently admit women. Some would say this is an issue which would fall within the bounds of an argument on the interpretation of constitutional law, around the definition of the right of free association. I can't say if this is true, because I'm not a lawyer. Harvard's clubs, composed of roughly 5 percent of the undergraduate student body, could hardly be called "integral" to the Harvard experience (unless smokey poker games, billiards, beer, and occasional blacktie dinners rank high on your list of daily activities). So the gender discrimination question boils down to: Will the Harvard clubs be allowed to remain as they are, given the U.S. Constitution, Harvard's policies, and the temper of society today? Perhaps, perhaps not. It is an issue which deserves attention, however.

Now, on to the more distressing aspect of your editorial. "Financial elitism" as practiced by the clubs entails charging dues that "not everyone can afford," so you say. Interesting. My first year as a member of one of the clubs I worked dorm crew, cleaning toilets for my extra pocket money, some of which I allotted at the account-busting rate of about 60 dollars a month to my club. One year the club roof sprung a leak. Where did they come up with the six grand needed to fix it? And who paid for the food served at the dinners, or the electric bill, or the City of Cambridge land taxes, which have tripled in the past five years? Who paid for the glass panes that had to be installed in the back window? What about the flooding basement? All these questions lay heavily on one side of the equation, and my humble 60 bucks (that's about 35 toilets and bathtubs and sinks) lay on the other.

It is quite unfair that I, at the tender age of 23, should be forced to pay rent, the phone bill, the food bill, the car payment with insurance, gas, maintainance, my student loan payment, clothes bills, taxes (federal, state, and local), and even my movie money The "financial elitism," as practiced by the clubs represents the horrid specter of Fiscal Responsibility rearing its ugly head, roaring that all those who share the privileges must share equally the financial burden. Why, you know what my problem is? The world capitalist system has conspired to practice "financial elitism" on me, forcing me to pay for what I buy.

And finally, one other distressing aspect of your editorial. You wrote, "When women are excluded from the clubs, they are excluded from the unparalleled resources of the clubs and from the `old boy' alumni contacts which the clubs foster." Well, I hate to be the one to break the news, but...has anyone told you about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy? Well, about these clubs....You know, I guess you could call a flooding basement an "unparalleled resource"...I mean, I know some guys in the Sahara who would kill for one of these. And our pool table is fairly "unparalleled" as well. The way the right corner pocket just sucks the balls right in, like a magnet. And the cockroaches that have been known to stampede across the kitchen floor. I guess they're pretty "unparalleled" too. Bio labs across the country would pay a fortune for a living specimen (a nearly impossible request: they were very fast. If not, they would be reduced quickly to a pool of goo.).

A few last words on the much revered, much vaunted "old boy" network that the clubs foster. Last spring I watched with growing horror as the few Wall Street firms that I applied to proceeded to toss my resume in the old circular file, despite my inconspicuously prominent mention of my club at the bottom. What about all those fabulously wealthy club alums who went on to run Wall Street? I guess they all jumped out the window after the October crash. reduced, like the slow cockroaches, to a pool of goo. I finally landed a job over 650 miles away from Boston, back in my home town, completely sans alumni. According to my club directory, there were perhaps five of my club alums who originated here, none of whom are likely to have remained. Some network. Dialing "O" for operator assistance would probably be more helpful.

The truth is, if you mentioned the characteristics "old boy network" and "unparalleled resources" to students in all of the U.S.'s 4500 colleges, perhaps 80 percent would reply with the name Harvard. If you mentioned that you went there, they would reply, "Well, excuuuuuse me!" The popularly held myth about Harvard and its students is about as true as that about the club's alleged "financial" and "social elitism", which you loudly support and propagate. Do you really think it's true? You know, the grass really is greener in the yard next door...I would suggest that in the interests of accuracy that you think about the veracity of the club myth before launcing into yet another blast of yellow journalism. Austin W. Moore '87