Keeping Speech Free

IF YOU DON'T like speakers from a certain portion of the political spectrum just do something to make them "controversial," and then Dean Spence will make sure they don't appear on campus too frequently.

It worked for SASC. They think reactionaries like Duke Kent-Brown or conservatives like Caspar Weinberger '38 are bad people. By constantly threatening these speakers with blockades and rotten tomatoes, SASC has convinced Spence that such speakers should only appear "once a week" at most.

Other groups learn a lesson from this. The Republican Club forms "symbolic blockade" squad and disrupts any speakers who are registered Democrats. Spence now is forced to restrict Democrats. The Democratic Club uses the same tactics. Now only Independents can appear as many times as they want. But, alas, The Society of Non-Moderate People targets the Independents. Now no one of any political persuasion can speak more than "once a week."

Dean Spence must appoint a Dean of Scheduling to make sure the quotas are not exceded. Lotteries are held each week to determine who can speak and who can't. But SASC & Co. still send blockaders to every speech (there are much fewer they need to keep track of now). To reduce campus unrest and cut expenditures, Spence lowers the limit to once a month, and then once a year, matching the number of campus-wide alcohol parties each House can have.

Harvard is now a very quiet place. And Harvard's has saved itself some money, which is what it's most concerned about anyway.