`Twas Twenty-One Days Before Christmas

With only 21 days left until Christmas and even fewer until the annual rite of Secret Santa-ing starts, students are prowling the Square for out-of-the-ordinary gift ideas. But most students' ideas are just too prosaic, so here are some ideas for people who are tired of the routine Hershey kisses and reindeer pins, brought to you by a source of higher knowledge.

`Twas three weeks before Christmas and all through the college,

The students were weary and tired of knowledge.

Instead they were trying to plan a cool Yule,

Searching out gifts for friends at home and at school.

And desperate for suggestions they turned to Old John,

Bronze guardian of veritas they could rely on.

"Tell us John, tell us John, what can we give

To our friends and our families with whom we must live?"

And such pleas of worry they cried through the night,

`Til John deigned to dispense his wisdom and might:

"Students, dear students, be calm and think clearly,

Remember the differences among those you love dearly.

To those for whom studies are supreme over all,

Give a new Barron's book with a toilet trained doll.

Start them out young, aim for LSAT knowledge,

A Once Upon a Potty Doll will get them to college.

For hard core achievers en route to the top,

A Porcupine Pen Holder--losing pens it will stop.

And what kind of things can be stored in this mammal?

Fruit scented ballpoints or cigarettes by Camel.

But for those of your friends who are luxury inclined,

Garfield bikinis will keep you in their mind.

And if you know students who love lingerie,

There are Duck-the-Halls sleep gowns to wear night and day.

But if some of those items are not sleek enough,

Try Business School undies for the pre-B-School tough.

And for friends of yours who you wish to do well,

Try boxers with Ho-Ho's and a cheery Noel.

If some of your friends are pet afficionados

Give them lotion dispensers with poodles or gatos.

And for feline lovers who have to have more,

Try calico nail brushes or Turkey Cat Snacks galore.

Still others you know may be into the Stone Age.

Give them reptile jewels made with an old news page.

Or if you want to teach frenetics to cope,

Just give them a bar of Dinosaur Egg Soap.

For musical types who are into good tunes,

Give them a reindeer who prances and croons.

This adorable stuffed diva can be found in the Square

Complete with a jockey in shape of a bear.

To keep your friends sane at the Christmas feast table,

Give them a game to help them stay able.

To resist that last slab of sweet pumpkin pie,

The "Death By Diet" puzzle will keep them in line.

And to those who enjoy being in altered states,

A coffee cup clock will keep them awake.

Or shed Magic Snow through their rooms and The Yard,

Teach them the future with New Tarot Cards.

To adults who as children liked Rubber Cement

And for weird forms of art have a strong bent,

Give them a glue ball from Store 24 in the Square

Guaranteed to stick to their clothes and their hair.

But of course there are some who'd rather lounge in the tub--

And for them there is much with which to rub-a-dub-dub.

Avocado soap and almond massage oil,

To soften the wounds of a harsh day's toil.

Finally a winning health nut gift potion:

Raw egg shampoo and cucumber lotion.

I'd also supply something tasty to eat--

Carrot flavored biscuits, Peter Rabbit's treat.

I hope you have found my advice helpful and bright,

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

Note: All the items mentioned above are in fact available at shops throughout Harvard Square. At the Coop you can find the "Once Upon a Potty Doll" for $11.95, the Porcupine Pen Holder, the lingerie items--at various prices--and the singing reindeer. The lotion dispensers and the feline nailbrushes are available at Billington and Stover's Drug Store on Brattle Street, and you can find the Turkey Cat Snacks, the Dinosaur Egg Soap, and the Tarot Cards at Urban Outfitters.

At Charles Square you can purchase "Death by Diet" and the bath items are available at Crabtree and Evelyn for about $8. The reptile jewelry--ranging around $17--is located at Christmas Secrets. Store 24 offers the Magic Snow and the Glue Ball for fine, and relatively inexpensive, Christmas presents.