Letters: Because We Have No Opinions

TO THE EDITORS:

Our department has noticed a most bizarre increase in the number of incident of indecent exposure on campus this week, and we're not happy about it. In order to respond to the crisis properly--before--it gets out of hand at the Harvard Game (as we are convinceo it will)--we have decided to take excessive precautions. Further nudity on this campus simply will not be tolerated, as long we're responsible for keeping order here.

My already urgent fears become particularly urgent in light of Saybrook College's tradition of lewd behavior at the Game. This year, however, there will be no such activities permitted under any circumstances. Our boys are prepared to spontaneously arrest any Saybrookers inproperly or incompletely clad during the course of the Game. We have stationed numerous undercover agents around the clusters of Saybrook students, and these folks are prepared to confiscate any discarded garments for use as evidence in a Court of Law.

I hope that no one mistakes my intentions. I have no desire to ruin tradition or spoil anyone's fun. But President Schmidt has expressed to me his fears that the recent turbulence over the Supreme Court is not only wreaking havoc on the stock market and consequently the endowment, but is also scaring away alumni donators in droves. Further lewd conduct, we fear, will only discourage even more donations. Let's make a good impression on Harvard and our old timers. Keep your clothes on for a change, Saybrook. The Yale Police Department   November 19, 1987