Wanted: One University President

THE UNIVERSITY announced recently that President Derek C. Bok was planning a three-month sabbatical starting January 1. Further details of the temporary ascendancy have not been made available. Will the acting president get to sit at Bok's desk, use his official Pusey Paper Clips, the James Bryant Conant '13 coffee mug and all the rest of the Presidential paraphernalia? We just don't know.

And while Harvard has also announced that former Dean of the Faculty Henry Rosovsky will serve as acting president in Bok's absence, some more serious review seems important before the administrators make such a decision.

Some nominations jump to the fore as potential alternatives to Rosovsky:

Mary, Winthrop House checker. She knows more people than anyone else on campus and 'Throp's open-to-all dining policy would be a good rule to follow in Mass Hall. No more exclusion. Also those feeling left out of things because Bok is a former basketball player would feel closer with Mary's down-to-earth stature.

Jim McMahon, Football player. Harvard has the big men up front and the speed outside. What the Crimson has always lacked is the kind of veteran signal caller who can bring the whole squad together when the going gets tough. The Crimson's got the talent, but the question that hangs over them game after game is: will they come to play? McMahon comes to play every week, and he is available for Bok and a pair of second-round draft choices.

Mr. Spock, lieutenant commander, Starfleet, United Federation of Planets. A big opportunity here. First, Harvard could make a big statement for affirmative action by appointing an alien. Second, the University could be the institution to give Spock the opportunity at command that he's always deserved. Third, rhymes with Bok.

George Bush, elected official. He'll never get to be president anywhere else.

Ralph Rotten, former counterman at Tommy's Lunch. If you think Pusey was tough on protesters when he sent police to clean out University Hall, just imagine what Ralph would have done to the long-hairs in the shanties. Three months and everyone would be wide awake during every lecture. OR ELSE.

Jackie Presser, union leader. The Teamsters president would be a great choice if he can keep out of jail in the next four months. Harvard's ongoing labor dispute with its clerical and technical workers would be resolved before you could say "Jimmy Hoffa." Also, Presser, who was borne in a sedan chair over the heads of delegates at the most recent Teamsters' convention, could easily handle the pomp and circumstance that comes with the position.

Edwin Meese III, public official. Meese is currently doing considerable damage as the attorney general of the United States. It would be good to get him switched somewhere where he is farther away from the Constitution. Best of all, Meese could wear his Kennedy School Distinguished Public Service Medal on the job.

David Letterman, late-night comedian. Imagine Stupid Overseer Tricks or Deans You Want to See Dropped from a Five Story Tower. Paul Shaffer could shape up the band (and maybe write a hip version of 10,000 Men of Harvard), Marv Albert could hand out the Albert Tenure Achievement Awards and Chris Elliot could play the Dean-of-Students-Guy.

Molly Ringwald, Brat Pactress. After all, she was on the cover of Time magazine months before Bok made it. Besides, she was Homecoming Queen, treasurer of her sophomore class, is really concerned about nuclear war and stray animals, and has really neat red hair. Can Bok say as much?

George Bachrach, Mel King or James Roosevelt Jr. '68, former Congressional candidates. These guys need a job bad.

In the end, it seems that the post will undoubtedly go to a dean. But why not Dean Martin or Dizzy Dean? Or if the job is too big for one man, how about splitting it up between three men: Dean, Whitter and Reynolds?