A Houstoner Plots His Revenge

Boston Celtics 114, Houston Rockets 97.

After the Houston Rockets lost the National Basketball Championship to the Boston Celtics, my fellow Texans and I felt a little green.

Since that loss, each time I take my daily stroll through the Boston streets, I can detect Celtic grins all around me.

I could always say "wait 'til next year," but that's a long way off. I plan to have my revenge before the year is up. How, all those doubting Boston fans may ask...

It's simple. The Houston Astros are going to beat the Boston Red Sox in the 1986 World Series. After five years of being called the Houston Last-tros because of their poor finishes, the Astros are now contending for their second pennant.

And when they do get to the series, the Astros will be competing against one of their own. Roger Clemens the 16-2 Red Sox pitching phenom, happens to be from Katy, Texas. I guess Clemens's fine Texas breeding is wearing off on the other Red Sox players.

Because he's from Texas, Roger can probably understand the disappointment when Texas Governor Mark White lost a bet to Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis after the Celtics beat my beloved Rockets.

Governor White had to fork over 150 pounds of barbecued chicken to Governor Dukakis because of the Rockets' loss. Even more disappointing, I wasn't even invited to share in the Texas feast.

There are two teams that would like to throw a monkey wrench into my revenge plans: the New York Mets and the New York Yankees, who would like to make it into a subway series.

Just imagine a subway series. Star pitchers Dwight Gooden and Ron Guidry could face off in the seventh game, but Americans nationwide would still have to put up with Bruce Springstein singing the national anthem.

But dreams must come to an end, and so will the New Yorkers'.

The Astros-Red Sox series will parallel the Rockets--Celtics series. Except the Houston team will win this time.

My theory was questioned when I crossed paths with a fellow Texan from Dallas. The young man said that the Texas Rangers are going to the World Series.

I was confused--I could have sworn the Texas Rangers were demoted to the minor leagues. But I stand corrected. The Rangers, from Texas, are still playing in the major leagues, and--miracle of miracles--they are vying for first place in their division.

If the Rangers somehow do make it to the World Series instead of the Red Sox, my revenge would be ruined.

Then again, an all-Texas World Series would put nice finishing touch on Texas' 150th Anniversary.