Coed Living at Harvard

During lottery season, the pursuit of the perfect rooming group begins. Sometimes new friendships must be formed or old ones broken to fit the desired suite. Lottery chances are calculated and scrutinized.

All manuevering, however, has to take place within the heavily guarded boundaries of a university law declaring "Every member of the group must be of the same sex."

Unless you're going to live in the Mather House or Leverett House Tower. And unless you're willing to craftily break those rules. From Mather to Leverett to the secret coed rooms in every house, some students are happier ignoring the University rule.

"It seems ridiculous to feel like you have to find other women to live with if your friends are guys," says Ellen V. Emerson '87, who will be living in in a coed crowd of seven in Leverett Tower next year.

"My current roommates were all graduating, and my closest friends were male friends that I'd known since freshman year," says Betsy M. Touhey '86, who last year lived with six men in the Mather Tower.

"Most people I know are pretty envious," says Chris Cunningham '86, who currently has four female rommates in the Mather Tower. "My parents said, `just don't tell your grandmother.'"

Official Approval

"Coed living" is allowed officially only in the Mather and Leverett Towers. The Adams House Senior House was also declared suitable for coed living, but was taken by a single sex group.

"As long as the rooms aren't adjoining, and they're single rooms, you can have different sexes living next door," says Lisa M. Colvin, the College's housing officer.

The chances of authorized coed living becoming more widespread are slim, according the University official in charge of housing. "It's unlikely that [coed rooms] may ever be allowed. Such a policy may come up against considerable parental objection, and it may not be in the students' best interest," says Thomas A. Dingman '67, assistant dean of the College for the housing system.

The rooms in the Mather and Leverett Towers are considered single rooms, says Colvin, even though residents of the houses informally view them as connecting suites of single bedrooms.

"It all goes into the computer, and the computer is programmed only to accept a single sex per room. Otherwise, it will say `wrong sex, cannot place'" says Colvin.

Beyond the rooms defined as single rooms, however, "[coed rooming] is not allowed, and as far as our office is concerned we don't know about it," says Colvin.

What They Don't Know

Unofficial estimates, however, indicate that there are a large number of "illegal" coed rooms on campus. "There's at least fifteen in my house," says a student who asked not to be identified.

In every house except Mather and Leverett the assistants to the masters repeated Colvin's statement.

"We don't allow coed rooms," says Victoria Macy, assistant to the master of Adams House.

"There are no coed rooms in Eliot House. It's University policy, it's a simple as that," says Edith Mead Holway, assistant to the master of Eliot House.

But the secret coed rooms are there, and their residents like it.

"It's nice to have a guy around because I hate cockroaches, but Rob gets rid of them," says "Donna," who has a male roommate in a house where there are no coed rooms.

"If a guy bothers me, he's around to answer the phone. It's really nice. There's a lot of affection, purely non-sexual. Just having a male give you a hug every now and then is great," says Donna.

Putting together a coed room in another house usually requires some sort of switch. Donna and Rob had paired with another man and woman who also wanted to room together. The two males and two females entered the lottery together and then changed doubles.

"People don't really understand our situation. They have to think Rob is gay to deal with it, since he's not my boyfriend. He's not gay, but people need to think so," Donna says.

Another "illegal" coed room did involve a boyfriend--the kind that came attached to a roommate. "I had a lot of trouble with my female roommate, because her boyfriend was always there. They fought a lot, and it was very disruptive. It was a hassle--there were always more people in the room than it could take," says "Caroline."

"But her boyfriend's room was always empty, and I got along really well with his roommate," says Caroline. "He had the qualities I wanted in a roommate."

So she traded rooms with her roommate's boyfriend.

Censure

"Guys can get pretty boring sometimes," says "Bruce," a member of a legitimate coed group who asked that their names not be used.

"Even in an innocent rooming group, people have a hard time understanding. I've gotten some negative reactions," says his roommate "Karen." "Last year a freshman asked if she could see my room, and when she found out my roommates were guys, she was really taken aback."

An illegitimate coed group worried what their floater would think. "We were worried he'd be a real prude and he'd tell the senior tutor if I didn't move out," says "Debbie." "He turned out to be cool, but we were really nervous for a while."

Peers aren't the only ones with negative reactions. Parents are often less than thrilled about their children's living arrangements.

"My parents are super-conservative, and they don't like the idea," Karen says.

"I haven't gotten around to mentioning it to my father yet," says Donna.

Fortunately, resident tutors don't seem to have negative reactions, according to residents of illegitimately coed rooms. "Our tutor kind of knows, but he just ignores it. If anyone higher up came to him he might get in trouble," says Caroline.

"We haven't had any pressure from the housing office, and our tutor doesn't care," says "Mark."

"I don't think anyone really cares as long as they don't walk in and we're having orgies," says Donna.

Working Well Together

Both students and housing officers agree that the "coed rooms" have worked out very well.

"It was really wonderful. I loved to shock people. I'd say, I live with six men," says Touhey.

"Betsy was one of the most caring people in the room--if I was feeling down in the end, it was Betsy I would go to," says Eric M. Isselbacher '85, her former roommate. "We became best friends--purely platonic, but really best friends. We became closer than we could of even if she had been just across the hall."

"People might not walk around in their underwear or not run from the bathroom naked, but other than that there were no big changes," says Isselbacher.

There are many benefits to having a member of the opposite sex as a roommate.

"We can share earrings," jokes Ann Pellegrini '86 of her roommate Jake Stevens '86. "It works out well because I need three earrings, but he only needs one."

"We always have enough shaving cream," says Stevens.

"When you're dating, that's a very different situation from living together," says Emerson. "This way we find out what a day-to-day relationship is all about."

Coed rooms work out well because they provide the chance to pick roommates purely on the basis of their personality, and not on the basis of their sex. This can often create a more harmonious room.

"I thought, what five people do I want to live with, not what five females," says Judy Zachariasen '86, who lives with Pellegrini and Stevens.

"Usually you have to round up five guys to live with. Some guys just sort of travel in packs. It's better if you can pick who you really want to live with," says Cunningham.

"If you find what you want in a roommate and can't have it because of the person is of the wrong sex, then that's ridiculous," says Caroline.

"When difficulties arise in rooming groups, it's because of personalities. I have never known a difficulty to arise because of gender" says Anne Aubrey, assistant to the master of Mather House. "People think it through very carefully, and they're prepared for any inconveniences."

The only time coed rooms don't seem to work out occurs when the roommates are boyfriend and girlfriend. One extreme situation occurred last year.

"Brian and Claire met and started dating freshman year, and the end of junior year they got engaged," says Isselbacher. "They decided to room together. Everybody thought it was a pretty safe bet, but it backfired."

"They broke off the engagement in October, but they were stuck together in one room for the rest of senior year," says Isselbacher. "They even started to date other people. Brian told me once that it was really awkward when he brought a date back home."

Option for Everyone?

"I really think it should be an option open to everyone. Some people do feel uncomfortable, but I think people should be able to chose," says Emerson.

All roommates contacted say that their living situations seem perfectly usual. "It's just not that big a deal," says Zachariasen.

"The fact that Betsy was a woman wasn't an issue after the first week," says Isselbacher.

"As for all the bathroom horror stories, you just wear a towel," says Cunningham.

The camaraderie with her roommates was the best part of the rooming situation, says Touhey. "It's great to come home with your drunken buddies from a party, and instead of breaking up into little room units or couple units, you still have that gang feeling carried over into brushing your teeth, listening to that last album, crawling into bed, waking up at two the next day and complaing about your hangovers together."