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Sexual honesty plays an important role in all relationships for both partners, said a specialist on human sexuality and rape prevention last night.
"Most of us don't come up with assertive responses in sexual situations," Cornell professor Andrea Parrot told an Emerson Hall crowd of about 200 at a University-wide lecture.
Encouraging audience participation, Parrot led nearly two hours of audience discussion. "Thinking about our relationships will improve our quality of life," she said at the beginning of her speech.
Comparing saying "no" to sex with asking a smoker to extinguish a cigarette, Parrot noted that passivity is commonplace in all social situations.
But taboos preventing frank discussion of sex make it more difficult to say "no," she observed. "Imagine sitting down at the Thanksgiving table and talking to your grandmother about masturbation," she said.
Parrot also pointed to the problem of confusingbody language, asking the audience, "How manytimes do you have to say `no' before you mean it?"
Walking up to a member of the audience andpolitely inviting him to coffee after thediscussion, the Cornell professor illustrated theawkwardness of sexual honesty by bluntly adding toher invitation, "I will do no petting below thewaist."
All of the above difficulties pave the way forpassive responses in sexual encounters, Parrotsaid. "In a situation where you don't say anythingabout [sex], you contribute to yourvulnerability."
Parrot described a three-point date rapescenario: a) a woman is at a house party and a mangrabs her, b) she does not express her distaste,and c) they wind up in an isolated place.
Often men are not even aware that they haveoffended a woman after such a situation, Parrotsaid. "Many times men don't know that anything badhas happened after an acquaintance rape," shesaid.
Parrot concluded with a short film depicting arape in a college fraternity after which theaudience discussed their feelings about the video.One audience member volunteered that "the girlfelt she had to be nice even though she didn'twant to have sex." Another called it "veryrealistic.
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