Take It Out of the Ballpark

The baseball season is with us again. And according to George Vecsey, that means that "the mob" of fans who ruin America's pastime for real baseball aficionados are with us again, too.

Although street riots like the scene in Detroit following the Tiger's triumph in the World Series won't be with us again for months, the problem of the drunken mob exists nonetheless.

The commissioner's office should be applauded for encouraging clubs to dilute ballpark beer and to prohibit end-of-game beer sales, but baseball should pursue the best solution to the mob problem--sell no beer at all.

Dead Dogs and Stale Suds

Prohibiting beer sales at baseball games (not to mention all other sporting events) will upset more than a few people. Some proprietors, famous for flat beer and over-priced hotdogs, will be upset because they will lose revenues.

The mob will no doubt be upset, because they will not be able to drink beer at the game. Maybe they won even stop going to games.

And even in baseball fans will be upset that the actions of a few will have taken away their ability to sip a couple of beers at the park while still remaining sober.

But prohibiting beer must be the solution, for it will have far greater implications on drunkenness and rowdyism than mere limitations on beer sales.

Fenway Park already stops selling beer after the seventh inning. But 12 beers don't wear off in two innings, so who are they kidding?

In addition, many fans find it their duty to get tanked up before the game even starts, either by drinking on the way to the park, or by sitting through batting practice with a Bud in each hand.

Furthermore, the amount of marijuana now being smoked at baseball games could make the average fan feel like he is at a Grateful Dead concert.

And as everybody knows, smoking pot creates dry mouth. Therefore, what better way to relieve it than by having another beer? Perhaps if beer was prohibited, less of both would be abused.

Prohibiting beer would also solve the problem of frustration which has actually been caused by the half-measure of beer restriction. Long beer lines which seem to extend all the way to Kenmore Square frustrate beer drinkers/baseball fans.

These lines are even more discouraging when, after a half hour of waiting, you get to the front of the line and find out that you have the privilege of paying $1.60 for five ounces of watered down suds, and you can only get two cups at a time.

It is not farfetched to think that people will start taking their frustrations out on inanimate and animate objects when they have to come back and tell their buddies that they could only get 10 ounces of beer for the six of them.

This Ain't no Mudd Club

Beer is already prohibited at most rock concerts. And aside from The Who tragedy in Cincinnati, it has not produced riots by unruly fans craving for beer. Rather, it has kept the beer drinkers home, and the concertgoers in the theaters.

The commissioner's office has the opportunity to do the same in baseball. By prohibiting beer at stadiums, Peter Ueberroth can keep the "mob" in their place--at home in front of their TV sets with their 12-packs of Colt 45--while keeping the baseball parks of America safe for real baseball fans.