Thanks, Steve

"IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS, veneral disease was simple," says Eddie Murphy in his HBO special Delirious. "If you got gonorrhea you got a shot and that would clear it right up. Now they've got herpes--you keep that forever like luggage." And AIDS too. "AIDS is scary' cause it kills."

In its simplest form, this is what Stephen Zinner's book, STD: Sexually Transmitted Diseases, is all about.

The Harvard Medical School professor's work is largely a survey course in, yes, sexually transmitted diseases. Zinner starts with the premise that the 60s were the years of sexual revolution and that the 80s "reflect postrevolutionary confusion, dismay, and uncertainty," a sort of sexual reconstruction.

Zinner states his intention to give "a frank and open discussion of the means by which [sexually transmitted diseases] are transmitted, the expectations for treatment and cure, and, most important, the potential for prevention of infection without having to limit sexual expression."

Unfortunately, the book does not live up to its intent. Zinner is open and frank in his discussion, delving into various details of oral, genital, and anal sex. But at the same time, he is not always direct, often leaving the reader confused. While he addresses some subjects frankly, his use of terms is inconsistent, often waxing euphemistic when balking doesn't seem necessary. Words like void and discharge instead of more straight forward terms like urinate or excrement contrast with his free use of other anatomical terms, serving only to confuse the reader.

Zinner also leaves the lay reader searching for firm ground while he uses innumerable technical terms for sexual anatamoy and diseases. Only a gynecologist, or perhaps an extremely advanced biology concentrator can follow his in-depth discussions of many sexual diseases.

His descriptions of the diagnoses for many STDs (Zinner believes that STD should be used as common terminology for what was once called VD) is confusing at best, annoying at its worst. The way in which smear tests are applied to microscopic slides are of interest to perhaps a few physicians. But even to those with STDs, who may have had experience with the actual tests, Zinner's details of the procedures are still difficult to follow.

THE BOOK IS SUBTITLED "What you should know, and how to protect yourself." But Zinner's complicated medicalese leaves the common person wondering who the book was really written for. Certainly those who have had experiences with sexually transmitted diseases will have more familiarity with what Zinner is talking about than those who have not come into contact with them. Others, who may need the information more, will find little enlightenment. So much for "how to protect yourself."

Zinner's recurring suggestions for prevention of specific STDs are of little help. After each chapter on a different STD (he covers more than 25 different varieties), Zinner recommends ways of preventing the disease. But he inevitably reverts to saying something such as "little is known about the disease, and therefore prevention is hard to suggest," or he advocates the use of condoms (which are only protective of the areas of the penis that they cover).

He does refute fears that towelsharing hot tubs and toilet seats can transmit sexual diseases, but as far as advocating real protection, Zinner's only words of wisdom are that

there are no sexual practices that are responsible for transmission of STDs in the absence of the creative organism. However the risk of contracting an STD associated with any particular sexual practice increases with the number of different sexual partners.

Thanks a lot, Steve. And thanks for telling us that having sex with prostitutes increases ones' likelihood of contracting a venereal disease, whether the customer is male, female, heterosexual, or homosexual. And thanks for telling us that figures for herpes, chlamydia, and urethritis are not as accurate as those for gonorrhea and syphilis because the former do not have to be reported to the health department.

Most of all, thanks for telling us that while cranberry juice may or may not prevent urinary tract infections, "there is no harm in drinking cranberry juice."

Zinner has certainly done his homework in researching this book, and it shows. He should get an A for research. But he gets and F in Show and Tell for making it palatable and understandable to the rest of the class.

Venereal disease is a lot more complicated than in the old days, as Eddie Murphy pointed out. Zinner's book does little to change that fact.