Closet Or Community

One day last year at the Union I took particular notice of two groups of people eating dinner at adjacent tables. One group was seated at the weekly gay table and had a prominent sign accompanying them which read, "Gays and Friends." At the table nearest them was another group who displayed a more modest sign which read simply, "Heterosexual Table." I thought this somewhat sarcastic gesture was actually quite humorous: it made me aware that it is not obvious to many people why gay people would want to make an issue of their sexuality. Why would they want to form a gay students' association? Why would they sponsor events like Gay and Lesbian Awareness Day? For that matter why would they write articles like this one in student newspapers.'

Some of the reasons are undoubtedly psychological. Most of us did not grow up in environments which are receptive to homosexuality rather at the issue is mentioned at all it is seen in a negative light. Furthermore, unlike other minorities, gay people are obviously not born into gay families which could provide a support group to shelter them from the hostility of outsiders Since most gay people are undetectable, this hostility often comes from our own families and trusted friends who unknowingly insult us as they depreciate gay people.

Gay people also grow up without positive role models. While we may be aware of our feeling for people of our gender, these feelings are never validated by our surroundings. We see men and women set up as heterosexual models for expressing those feelings to one another. We see it in the family, on the street, in magazines, movies, and on TV. Thus do we shape our idea of what is right, normal, natural, and good. The image of two men or two women expressing affection to one another is simply absent. It is as if other people like us do not exist. We hear stories and see fictional portraits of strange, defective people who pervertedly act out our feelings, and we wonder if that is who we really are.

Groups like the Gay Students Association (GSA) provide gay people with a support group which helps undo years of negative conditioning. For me, a GSA meeting was the first chance I ever had to meet real people who felt the way I do. Admittedly it was not an easy step to take. I can remember pacing around Phillips Brooks house for hours trying to decide whether or not to go into that first meeting. For me, that step was essential. Feelings which I had suppressed for so long could now be expressed openly and honestly. It was a startling experience to page through the Freshman Register with another guy, looking at men in the same way my roommates looked at women during their seemingly endless facebook sessions.

A support group such as GSA makes it easier for gay people to recognize the subtle ways in which anti gay myths are propagated. As Blacks have objected to the use of the world "boy" to refer to an adult and women to the use of "girl," gay people have began to recognize the ways society misperceives us. By recognizing these subtle attacks. It is possible to defend against them. If you see the arrow coming at you, you're less likely to get hurt.

I believe most people do not depreciate gay people because of a deep seated sense of malice, though some undoubtedly do. When I look back on my own experiences. I engaged in the typical high school joking about gays simply out of an insensitive habit, not because I truly detested them. An attitude not deeply held is relatively easy to overcome.

Last year when some friends of mine read in the Yard Bulletin that there would be a gay table at the Union during dinner, they wanted to see what sort of breaks would enter the private dining room. They were surprised to see that the gay table was not hidden in the corner but was prominently situated at the front of the dining hall. Upon seeing actual gay people, they were careful not to make any derogatory comments. It is much easier to deprecate a nameless, faceless entity than it is to attack individuals. If that individuals is close to you it becomes tougher still. Through this sort of exposure, attitudes toward gay people can be changed.

But this work of changing attitudes of gays and non-gays alike will take time. It is a slow, ongoing process. We cannot wait for utopia. We have to make our lives livable in the here and now.

We must organize to protest ourselves and to create a comfortable environment to live in. Here at Harvard, this means convincing the university to adopt a policy of non-discrimination on the basis of sexuality. Should a prospective freshman be forced to undersell himself by expunging anything gay-related from his application whether it be organizational activities or a favorite book. What of the senior who can find no one to advise the thesis of his choice? Without these few words of acceptance on record as University policy, we cannot do the most basic things. I certainly would not mention having written this article--or any other activity in the gay community in an application to a graduate school which had no such non-discrimination policy.

Beyond mere words we must work to change how officialdom treat us. It is up to us to see that the staff of UHS is aware of out needs and is prepared to fulfill them. We must see to that the frightened freshman seeking to understand how he or she differs from society's norms is not devastated through contact with an insensitive counselor. We must see to it that our physical health does not suffer because our doctors fail to ask the right questions.

On a more alarming note, we must see to it that we are protected physically as well. The University Police have a good record with the gay community and we have an interest in keeping it that way. We cannot allow the assault victim to hear. "Well, what did you expect" Gay people have a right to expect that they will be protected here. Our campus police must be commended for their understanding and we must help them continue to serve us.

Politics unfortunately enter the classroom, too. A pious piece appearing in the Independent last year suggested that we "leave our ideological baggage at the door" of fair Harvard. We do not nor do our professors. To many of them, we do not exist. How can you teach a human sexuality course without discussing gay people? How can you teach a course on the Holocaust without mentioning the deaths of at least 250,000 gays? But professors do. They fail us, and non-gays too, not deliberately, but through a lack of awareness.

It is political when gay people show themselves. It is political when we ask that our history texts be re-written. It is political when we seek to sensitize the staff at UHS. This may all be politics, but nevertheless it has an important impact on our lives. How else can we make this a better community to live in?

There is a real need for a GSA at Harvard while there is none for the "Straight Students Association, proudly proclaimed on a recent, unsigned poster. Only by forming a community can we change the attitudes that cause difficulties for us. Only through community can we improve things for ourselves and for others. Had I never entered Phillips Brooks House that night and joined the gay community, coming to terms with my sexuality would have been more difficult and more painful.

Russ Garaman '84 is a co-chair of the GLAD planning committee.