The Yanks Need Bush

No one should have been too suprised when Yankee owner George Steinbrenner fired Gene Michael. You just can't get away with challenging the Great White Shipbuilder's manhood in public.

But let's not deceive ourselves and assume that the second coming of Bob Lemon means long-term stability at the Yankee helm. Though he is as harmless as a slurpy old Labrad or retriever, and just as obsequious as far as relations with the front office are concerned, the man they call "Meat" will probably be snoozing in his backyard on Opening Day '82.

Those in the know are predicting that Dick Williams, recently dumped by Montreal, will be in pin-stripes by next March. Steinbrenner has frequently expressed his admiration for the fiery (some say abusive) field general who had so much success in Oakland. On the other hand, George seems to have grown tired of spunky managers; Billy Martin caused him to sprout more than a few gray hairs, and when Michael, whom everyone assumed would be a marshmallow--displayed his resentment over mid-inning telephone threats from the owner's box, Steinbrenner refused to relent.

In fact, old George can't seem to get along with the marshmallows or the firebrands these days. He just doesn't like baseball managers. Perhaps, then, we should begin considering where else Steinbrenner might turn to find someone to run his team.

Politics has a lot in common with baseball. Both have two major leagues, for instance, and essentially politicians compete all summer in the regular season, narrow the field with a set of playoffs and then wind it up with a World Series. On off days, they, like ball players, speak at Rotary Club luncheons and tend to their bond portfolios. In other words, George Bush would feel right at home in the dugout.

President Reagan's smiling sidekick really hasn't had too much to do since the inauguration. Oh, he supervises a little deregulation every now and then and gets to meet with emissaries from second-rate allies, but not much more. It's obvious he'd jump at the chance to run his own show as Yankee manager, and Steinbrenner could improve his credentials in East Coast high society by hanging out with a blueblood.

Bush could close the window of vulnerability on the Orioles by stocking his roster with a set of MX ballplayers--guys who are constantly switching positions and spots in the batting order so the opposition can't formulate a cohesive game plan. New York fans would swizzle tax-free beer and hot dogs, except for the underprivileged school children, whose Crackerjack portions would be reduced to compensate for the loss in tax revenue. Best of all, everyone associated with the team would get to trash those tacky polyester uniforms and get into some chinos and oxford cloth.

Maybe Steinbrenner will realize that the Yankees' personnel problems stem from folks taking themselves too seriously. Everyone's worried about who respects whom and how much. In that case, Rodney Dangerfield might prove the perfect manager, since he don't get none anyway.

Dangerfield just about hit the peak of his recent renaissance in the comedy world, and he might be looking to get out while he's on top. Imagine him in the clubhouse, trying to prepare his men for a game against the best pitcher in the league:

"Fast? this guy is fast. Hoo boy, let me tellya; this guy is fast. In his home park, a guy in the stands gets up to get a beer, comes back and the ground crew is setting up for the football season. This guy is fast.

"Big? Jesus Christ, the guy's a monster...big. Fellas, this guy can make love to the Lincoln Tunnel and all of New Jersey begs for more. Big? Sheesh. C'mon this is big.

"Mean? Someone said mean? C'mon, this guy takes his grandmother out to the park to practice brushback pitches."

Or maybe George will strike a blow for women's lib and hire the first female manager. Jane Fonda's been wondering how to get herself and the anti-nukes back in the headlines. Tom Hayden coaching at first, Dr. Benjamin Spock at third, and Harvard's George Wald in the bullpen telling the receivers about the little children of El Salvador.

Andy Warhol would bring in all kinds of hip fans from the Village, but the sportswriters would have more fun with Billy Carter, and he's already got the belly for the job. In short, there are lots of alternatives to choosing some former left fielder who's coached in the minors for 15 years.

The celebrity manager might be just the solution George Steinbrenner's been looking for.