At Least They Don't Spit

Golf is one of the most misunderstood sports in captivity. A recent survey of the Crimson newsroom revealed that many consider golf the most preppy sport around. "Preppy, but not a sport." One editor even went so far to remark.

What makes it preppy? "The fact that you can't get dirty," one said. "The fact that you can wear slacks and alligator shirts," said another.

Well, we know what alligator shirts have been going through ever since that crazy book with the madras cover hit the market. Even before that, wearing a shirt with a reptile attached to the collarbone area was warrant for ridicule in quite a few circles.

We could go on and on about Lacoste shirts, but it's enough to note they are from France (like Beldar and his daughter with the cool name). The issue here is that golf is being judged by player fashions.

If all sports were characterized by what the players wore, a lot of them would have disappeared long ago. What is so at tractive about those--whatever they are--that wrestlers wear? What about the blue Lost-in-Space costume Eric Heiden blitzed around in at Lake Placid? If all sports with strange uniforms were outflawed, the only one left would be polo. Oh yes, and probably the Lady Dolphins too.

Obviously, it's unfair to judge a sport by its cover.

Another widely held view (or widely parroted opinion) is that golf is "the most boring spectator sport." But many sports are more boring to watch than golf. No other sport, for example, has golf carts. Even if you aren't playing, you can still drive the cart. Few sports have halfway houses either. Even if you aren't playing, you can still sign for drinks after nine holes of watching everybody else. Golf even has spectator challenges, such as keeping quiet while the players prepare to hit their shots.

Place de Resistance

The best part of watching golf is the freedom. Once they tee off, they disappear into the trees or over the hill, and that's it until the drinks and the dice start flying in the clubhouse. You, the spectator, having chosen not to go along in the cart, have at least three hours to read, play Boggle, or go home and take a nap.

Of course, some people are bound to complain about the length of time golfers take to disappear, namely the "Golf Widows," those women who are abandoned every weekend by their spouses. But that problem isn't limited to golf. Remember Xiomara?