One-on-One

The spirit of the Harvard-Yale rivalry pervades both college campuses during the week before The Game. Of course, football is the focus of this rivalry, but the feeling of good-natured competition goes beyond football to almost every aspect of academic, extracurricular and social life at the two universities.

It seems rather silly, then, that the rivalry should be embodied solely in one football game. Why not make The Weekend of The Game a period for intercollegiate competition between Yale and Harvard in every sphere with all groups at one school doing battle with their counterparts at the other? The competition could go on all weekend at either Soldiers Field or the Yale Bowl, depending on whose year it was to play host.

Librarians from each school could vie to find books on the reserve shelf fastest; dining hall workers could compete to see which school produces the better meal (it's all relative) and serve it most efficiently.

Competition in the academic sphere would have to be more directed, however. English professors would be given passages of poetry and prose to explicate or, better yet, a few obscure quotations to identify and provide short (one-or-two-sentence) explanations as to their significance.

Language professors would be asked to translate passage of literature and conjugate irregular verbs, while economics professors would have to explain the Reagan administration's "recovery" program.

Alumni, who are always big on intercollegiate rivalry, could get into the act through a competition to see which college's former students contribute more money.

Even extracurricular groups could take part in the events of The Weekend. Choral societies aod orchestras could be compared, conservative clubs and leftist organizations could compete for the title of "most extremist."

University administrators could take part in the festivities by competing to produce confusing, obfuscatory statements and complex, unintelligible memos.

Under this plan for university-wide competition. The Game would cease to be the focal point of Yale-Harvard weekend. Instead, a contest between the presidents of the universities would become the center of attention. To make the presidential joust as fair as possible, each top official would be allowed to select the event of his choice. A. Bartlett Giamatti of Yale would most likely choose a debate on the ethical responsibilities of the university in society. Derek Bok of Harvard would probably choose to take on Giamatti in a one-on-one basketball game.