ZIMMER FIRED

The Gerbil has run his limit on the exercise wheel of the Boston Red Sox.

At a press conference yesterday afternoon, Sox General Manager Haywood Sullivan announced the firing of Don Zimmer, the team's manager for the past four-and-a-half seasons.

Sullivan cited "economics, fan reaction, public relations and on-the-field-thinking" as reasons for the Sox move. However, the Red Sox players severely criticized the firing.

"I think it's horseshit," said pitcher Bob Stanley.