Profits For People

In this age of "me-first" politics, it took great courage for President Carter to exercise his authority to decontrol the price of oil. However, his plan to nullify the good effects of price decontrol by imposing a "windfall profits" tax on the oil companies is an ill-considered act of misguided Populist sentiment. We're the Nobil Corporation, and we're in the business of discovering, pumping, refining, shipping and selling oil, so you can believe us when we tell you that "windfall profits" aren't for our benefit, they're for yours.

Many Americans seem to feel that profits are evil, and that profits in the hundreds of millions or even billions of dollars mean that the oil companies are taking advantage of the energy crunch to charge outrageous prices for their oil. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Profits built this great land of ours, and high profits are necessary to continue to build this land. New sources of oil cost a bundle to find, and the machinery to get it out of the ground costs even more. Unless our profits are increased still further, we simply won't bother to increase oil production. Why should we, when we can make more money importing high-priced OPEC oil, or buying up small diaper and car rental companies?

Besides, our profits aren't so high, when you consider the monumental expenses we have. Do you have any idea how much it costs to pay for advertising space like this each week in The Crimson and The New York Times? Then there are the costs of bribing government officials, both abroad and right here at home. And one hotshot executive costs us $300,000 a year, not to mention paying for his legitimate business expenses--breakfasts at the Ritz, lunches at Chez Moi. But we make the sacrifice, because talent doesn't come cheap, and without the very finest managers, we couldn't continue to provide you with the service you deserve.

And, of course, we have to hire the best tax lawyers and lobbyists. Government red tape imposes tremendous costs on us, costs which we have to pass on immediately to you to maintain our profit margin. Without our lawyers and lobbyists, we would be unable to make ends meet. We wouldn't be able to take advantage of reduced capital gains taxes and depreciation allowances. And without our lobbyists, we would be saddled with things like the wind-fall profits tax.

That's the beauty of our free enterprise system--we can do whatever we want to, regardless of social needs or social costs, with only the profit margin to guide us.

Nobil E.B.F. 1979