Red Auerbach Touts Hoop Diplomacy

If it weren't for the State Department, natives of countries around the globe would play better hoop and learn to love the United States, Arnold "Red" Auerbach, general manager of the Boston Celtics, told a Kennedy School crowd last night.

Waving a six-inch stogie as he growled his prepared notes, Auerbach said all foreign service officers hail from the Fletcher School of Diplomacy at Tufts, Georgetown "or some such place where they learn which fork to use and what to say and how to kiss rear ends."

Cocktails

"What they don't learn," Auerbach added, "is how to deal with people. All they do is go to cocktail parties--you'd be amazed at the number of cocktail parties--and how are they going to reach the people?"

Instead of sending only career diplomats overseas, the former Celtic coach recommended hiring former athletes or "guys who just can't quite make the pros." And instead of supplying countries with unneeded hardware, he added, the government should ship basketballs("good American ones, the kind with the seams") and sneakers.

"I tried to ship three dozen sneakers to a college in Burma once--got a company to agree to do it free. But the State Department returned the shoes to this company three times because they weren't packed right," Auerbach said with a sneer.

Even Iran

Red, who has traveled to the Far East, Europe, Africa, behind the Iron Curtain "and even Iran" with American all-star teams, said the U.S. didn't even know how to capitalize on the presence of American athletes in foreign countries.

"Nobody else had ever been invited to the Russian army country club. But we got in there, took the place over. And then later the American ambassador snubbed us, wouldn't even get out of his chair to say hello. So what can you do?"

Auerbach said sports diplomacy would be comparatively cheap and effective. "If we flooded a country with athletes the way we do with cocktail-drinkers, it might have been a different ballgame altogether."

Introduced by Tom "Satch" Sanders, an Auerbach find who went on to coach the Crimson, Auerbach stuck around after his speech to answer questions.

Best Teams

Predictably, the audience was as interested in Boston Garden as the rest of the world combined. When pressed, Auerbach said the two greatest Celtics teams were the Bob Cousy, Bill Sharman squad and the Jones boys team, both featuring William Russell at center.

"The greatest basketball team ever? Jerry West and Cousy at the guards. Elgin Baylor and Bob Pettit at the forwards and Russell at center with Havlicek coming off the bench."

And this year's Celtics? "We'll just have to wait and see," Auerbach said. But he was smoking a cigar as he left the room.