Beantown Treasure Hunt

If everything had gone as planned, I would be leaving for Florida on Saturday. But my friend's sister cracked up the family car. It was nothing major--she didn't even get hurt--but it was enough to force me to spend my vacation in the somewhat less favorable clime of Cambridge.

However, if you think I'm going to spend my week off moping under a sun lamp, dreaming of waves crashing upon white sand and bats cracking against baseballs in Winter Haven, Lakeland and Ft. Lauderdale, you've lost your marbles. And if you think I'm going to spend the week in Lamont, Cabot or Widener, dreaming about Kant, messenger RNA or the Protestant Reformation, or if you have such plans, you never had any marbles to begin with.

What a perfect opportunity to see Beantown. I'll bet many of you have never been to the Museum of Fine Arts or the Museum of Science, or seen the USS Constitution, or walked the Freedom Trail. Hell, I know a guy who in his three years here has yet to see the Atlantic Ocean. If the thermometer reaches the fifties or sixties some day next week I'll be headed for its shores. The water may be a trifle colder than in Florida but a beach is a beach is a beach. If you want to join me, take the MBTA Blue Line to Revere Beach.

The week's festivities will kick off tomorrow afternoon with a visit to Happy Hour at Father's Six, and a trip to the Pro to stock up on essential supplies for the long week ahead. But do not buy any Canadian Club whiskey. The C.C. people have informed me that they hid a case of their wonderful blended whiskey somewhere in Boston. Your mission this week, should you choose to accept it, is to find that gold mine. The following clues will prove helpful:

Start your adventure at 7 p.m. on Easter Sunday at the Harvard Square subway station. Take the second train four stops, and then switch to the line that is the color of grass, heading in the direction of the Club's place of origin. Get off when you hear French-Canadian accents, and enter the building next to the subway entrance (Boston Garden). Then watch what should be a helluva hockey game between the big bad Bruins and the peerless Montreal Canadians. It you can't get tickets for this clash you can see the Bs take on the Pittsburgh Penguins on March 30 or you can switch sports and cheer on the Green (the Celtics, for the uninitiated among you) as they strive against the Chicago Bulls tomorrow night and San Antonio the following Friday to keep their playoff hopes alive.

Monday morning take the only bus out of the Square which has a destination identical to the name of a Harvard House, and which leaves from behind that house. Disembark when you hear violins and French horns. You will be outside Symphony Hall, the home of the Boston Symphony Orchestra--try to catch one of their concerts some time during the week. Or walk down Huntington Ave., away from the John Hancock Building, and stop when you see a horse to your right. The building behind the statue is the Museum of Fine Arts, featuring an exhibit of Rembrandt etchings. Beware--the MFA is closed on Mondays, but open every other day. Other points of interest: The Gardner Museum and the Museum of Science. While at the Science Museum, stay for evening shows in the Hayden Planetarium of a laser musical, Lovelight, and what is billed as a laser light spectacular. These will be showing all week; call the museum for times.

Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day in the North End. But get an early start, you have a busy day ahead of you: Take the Red Line to the center of the Boston subway system. When you walk out of the station you will be standing on the Boston Common. Cross the street in front of you and enter the cemetery next to the church on the corner where you are standing.

You will be at the start of the Freedom Trail. Follow it until you reach Faneuil Hall. Take a lunch break and browse in adjacent Quincy Market, next to Haymarket. Buy a pizza and have a few beers, or try some of the delicacies for sale inside.

After lunch follow the Freedom Trail into the North End. Once there, start yelling. "Anthony, Anthony." Ask one of the hundreds of kids that come running up to you for directions to the Etna Pastry Shop at 7 Prince St. When you reach Etna's, ask for a half dozen cannoli (a luscious, cream-filled Italian pastry), and then head for one of the many fine restaurants in the North End to get some spaghetti, ravioli, veal cacciatore or whatever you want. (I recommend Felicia's)

By Thursday you may think that the so-far-fruitless quest is getting overly long, but it is an instant compared to the New York run of The Fantasticks. You can see this play Thursday night, or Wednesday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday night, at Stage 2 in the Charles Playhouse. You may also want to see Much Ado About Nothing Wednesday or Friday at 8 p.m. at the Boston Shakespeare Company Theater, located at the corner of Berkeley and Marlborough Streets in Boston.

Friday night at 8 p.m. be at the Orpheum to help Meatloaf, who I'm told weighs over 300 pounds, pray for the end of time. For those of you who haven't heard the song, "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights." Meatloaf is not the leader of some new Satanic cult, he's a rock musician. Earlier in the week, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, an even bigger happening will take place at the Music Hall: Aerosmith will be back in the saddle again.

Saturday at 11:45 a.m., meet, along with all the other people who read this article, at the kiosk in Harvard Square. When the clock above the Cambridge Savings Bank shows noon, make a dash for the Pro. If you are lucky enough to be the first one in the door, ask the man at the counter for your free case of Canadian Club.

He'll reply: "April Fool."CrimsonLisa Hsia