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"Enlightened self-interest" can prevent the misery in marriages that has contributed to a nation-wide divorce rate of 40 per cent, a panel of three couples told a group of about 50 people at Adams House last night.

William Appleton, assistant professor of Psychiatry, and his wife Jane, a freelance writer, one of the three couples present, discussed self-help methods for saving a marriage from "How Not to Split Up," their recently published best-seller.

Marriages die from neglect, when, after the initial courtship, people "begin to treat their spouses pretty much as they treated their mothers," or "like old shoes that they can dump on," Appleton said.

Spouses must learn to treat each other as "distinguished strangers" and "have to do a little song and dance for their partners," Mrs. Appleton added.

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