Savoir-Faire

For whatever reasons, personal or otherwise, the fact remains that within the last month or so, (a) the nucleus of the soccer team threatened to quit if Coach George Ford didn't alter his psychological approach to the players, (b) three varsity basketball players quit the team, and (c) last year's five Radcliffe basketball starters walked off the team and refused to play under John McCarthy.

Each of these situations resolved itself in a different way. Ford and his players kissed and made up, Tom Sanders's squad now has a weakened bench, and McCarthy was relieved of his duties as Radcliffe basketball and tennis coach.

So far, then, so good. But what happens if situations such as these become the rule, rather than the exception? What happens if other teams take the cue from the Radcliffe hoopsters and decide that they don't care to play under their coach, even if the circumstances hardly warrant the coach's dismissal, which they apparently did in McCarthy's case?

The result could be something like this:

October 18, 1976--In a totally unexpected move, Joe Restic was removed today as Harvard's football coach. Restic, despite being recognized as one of the most successful and innovative coaches in the East, has apparently been having trouble communicating the intricacies of his multi-flex, multi-penalty offense to his team.

Apparently, most of the players prefer to play three yards and a cloud of dust, and are simply unable to comprehend, let alone execute, Restic's shifts, reshifts, and counter-shifts. As a result, they refused to practice under Restic, and demanded a coach whose favorite plays were the Statue of Liberty and "everybody out, hit the open man."

The athletic department, realizing the disaster that would result if it kept Restic and traded the entire team to Yale, chose to can the coach instead. Restic, after being informed of his dismissal, immediately packed his things and headed for Notre Dame, where he will take over as head football coach tomorrow.

January 1, 1977--Bill Cleary was fired as Harvard's hockey coach this morning, despite his team's 8-0 record and recent triumph in the Great Lakes Invitational Tourney. When asked the reason for Cleary's dismissal, director of athletics Robert Watson simply replied, "the players demanded it."

And why did the players demand it? Cleary, it seems, lost his players' support because he was forcing them to skate too fast. The players prefer to skate leisurely figure eights up and down the ice, never coming anywhere near the boards, and never digging the puck out of the corners. Cleary's style, which demands hard skating and fast, forechecking forwards, contrasted sharply with the expectations of the players.

The latter, upon returning to Cambridge following winter vacation, contacted Watson and told him that he might as well cancel the hockey season if Cleary remained on as coach. Watson then called the Nova Scotia Voyageurs in hopes of replacing the players, but the Voyageurs had made a previous commitment to substitute for Cornell this year, so out went Cleary.

April 26, 1977--See you later, Harry Parker. You might be one of the best crew coaches this side of the Rhine, but what can you do when your varsity boat refuses to row for you?

Yes, that's correct. The Crimson oarsmen decided this morning that if Parker continues as coach, they'd just as soon sink than swim, as they indicated in a letter to the Athletic Department. The letter demanded Parker's resignation, and since it's easier to replace one coach than the defending national champion heavyweight boat, Parker was last seen floating down the Charles in a lifeboat.

Parker's troubles stemmed from his innovative seat-racing concept, by which the most qualified oarsmen are selected for the first boat. This process calls for two boats to race, and then, after one oarsman from each exchange places, the boats race again, and the times are compared.

Disgruntled oarsmen vehemently objected to this process; it was their hope that Parker would determine his first eight by flipping coins. When Parker refused, the oarsmen hung up their paddles and demanded a new coach. "Harry Parker might be good enough for the Olympics," they said, "but he's not good enough for us."