Dake It or Leave It

Calvin Coffey was working the day shift out of Walpole State Prison yesterday. 10:55 a.m.--Coffey was helping install a new pipe fixture at the lab construction site. The telephone tolled from the next room. Coffey raced to get it. "Pulp and paper lab, Coffey speaking."

The voice at the other end inquired if this was indeed the Calvin Coffey, the stroke of the undefeated Northeastern crew and if it was, why wasn't he in school with the rest of his teammates.

Coffey assured the voice that he was legit and the reason he was at Walpole was not one of just desserts and all that but rather as a requirement for his degree. "I work here as part of the co-op program at N.U.I major in mechanical engineering, so they put me out here in the pulp and paper lab project."

"Oh, you're working on design and such," the voice inquired.

Installation

"No, I guess you'd have to say I'm in installation," Coffey said, putting down the flat rolled-steel iron pipe he had formerly been lugging around, and gingerly plopping himself down prone onto a pile of wood shavings.

"You see, actually this is more a construction job than anything but I get paid engineering wages to do it because I'm on co-op."

"I understand," the voice acknowledged. "From coach Arlett I gather that because of this co-op program often the Northeastern varsity crew does not get out on the water till very late. Last night it wasn't until 7:30 p.m. he said. What sort of problems will this cause in preparing for Saturday's Eastern Sprints?"

"Well, last night was an exception. The cardboard carton corrugating unit blew out and we had to call the gang in from the license plate division to bail us out. Unfortunately, they had other ideas and held us hostage under threat of feeding us to Mr. Confetti--the newspaper shredding and bailing machine. In fact, I'd say that at that time I'd have given us about as much chance of gettin' out on the water by 9 p.m. as most people gave us at the Sprints last year, if you know what I mean."

"So actually a lot of guys on your boat work in the co-op program," the voice asked.

The Only One

"Well, let me see," there was an annoying hum on the line for almost 20 seconds while Coffey calculated his answer. "Huh, I guess I'm the only one," he boasted.

"In any case," the voice responded, "did you know that Northeastern has been seeded first by the EARC Seeding Committee this morning in New York? Harvard is second, then Brown, Wisconsin, Penn and Navy."

"Listen, all I know is that this is a city, just like any other city. It just happens to be Boston. When a crew like ours forces itself into the winner's circle to grab a taste of victory for the first time in history--that's the result. That's what happens. And that's where I come in. My name is Coffey. I carry an oar. There's no way we can lose."

Just the facts, Calvin, just the facts please.