A Touch of Garlic

Confucius once said, "A musical note is worth a thousand words." This exact evaluation may be a little off because of the Oriental yen for the arts, but with the President's price feeze, the exchange rate must be roughly equivalent. In any case, the sports board has decided to relinquish-this-space to the editorial page for some in depth analysis of the powers behind the football world: The battles of the bands.

Harvard-Cornell--The easiest prediction of the week. You can count on the fact that the concession stands will do a substantial business during the halftime of the game, and the line to the bathrooms may be unbearably long. The reasoning behind such a simple conclusion? The Harvard band will not be in Ithaca to entertain the throng.

I pity the poor crowd, for the Cornell band is unique in Ivydom. There must be a psychological term for the escapism of the Big Red Symphonic Marching Band Ensemble and Dance Troupe. Perhaps it's the minever Cheever complex. The Big Red band not only plays in tune (unusual for Ivy halftime shows), it dances, high-steps, goose steps, pirrouettes, clicks it heels together, and throws its chest out and its stomach in while forming a waving American flag in a salute to Irving Berlin. Poor Cornell bandies. Big Ten rejects. They are the Bob Blackman's of the Ivy musical world.

My first introduction to the Cornell band was typical. They arrived in Cambridge neatly attired in Red Army fatigues, and, although they had their show internalized and digested, they went through it over and over while the Harvard band played Mickey Mouse. By the end of the football game, it was Noah's second coming. The rain was coming down so hard that you couldn't see across the stadium. Watching the game was impossible because of the rows of umbrellas in the stands.

With a few minutes remaining in the drowning, the p.a. announced a "post-game Slavic concert" in the Cornell stands. Sure enough, while the Harvard band ran for the warmth and security of the Band room, Cornell, in their marine trench coats, stood on the fifty-yard line and began a rendition of Sibelius 'Finlandia' in the middle of the downpour. I don't know what they played next, and neither did the rest of the Cambridge crowd which dashed for Harvard Square.

Cornell morning last year brought snow to Cambridge. And while the Harvard band had snowball wars and burned its music in open trans cans for heat, the Cornell band sat in the Stadium playing scales to keep its instruments warm. Halftime came, with more cha-cha dances while the Big Red band marched from a map of the United States into a perfect replication of the web of a Black widow spider.

Harvard will not be in Ithaca today, but do not fret. Cornell may be strong on professional image, but it can't defend itself from the onslaught of Ivy verbal abuse. Cornell will run all over the field to prove itself to Duffy Dougherty, but Harvard will keep its cool wits and prevail, 28-24.

Yale-Columbia--Columbia's band is very small and presents witty circleor one-letter formations. Yale's has skill and handles its limited talent well, but the Lions frequently pass their jokes over the heads of their receivers. The strength of Columbia is in the air, and frequently it misses the mark. Often the Lions call on one big, star instrument to quarterback the show. But even with their star quarterback, the Columbia band doesn't score like the Yale Band. The Eli are what you might call a ground-oriented team; seeking the dirt and crawling through the opposition. What the Columbia band says, the Yale band works out on the field. Confucius liked pictures even better than music or words. Who cares what the Yale band sounds like when you've got such audio-visual aids? Yale, 17-14.

Dartmouth-Brown--Brown's band is wishful thinking. It has great hopes but it is often so verbal that it doesn't even get into its formation. Music and announcements are uncoordinated, and the Bruins have trouble just getting on and off the field. Dartmouth's band is so small that you can't hear it in the stands--which is a benefit for the people in the stands, as those that have heard can tell. With little flash and little innovation, the Dartmouth band fills up the halftime and gets off the field in time for the game. Brown usually plans to perform 'Jesus Christ Superstar' and doesn't ever find the 50 yard line. Basics over dreams today; Dartmouth, 14-3