Crime Triumphs

The Crimson proved both its athletic and journalistic superiority yesterday when it thrashed the Columbia Spectator, 23-2. The game was marred by underhanded strategies.

The Spectator, facing overwhelming odds, decided at 2:37 p.m. yesterday to reschedule the traditional newspaper clash for 3 p.m. and not tell the Crimson. However Crimson Dillion Field House Lavatory Editor, on assignment this week at the third basin, F. Ears Pope, called in the story to the news room at 2:39 p.m. Pope was delayed in calling in the story because he had to wash his hands.

Pope came out of the John's john to score all three Crimson touchdown. At the lonely end position, Pope smelled out the weaknesses of the Columbia secondary, and three times left his defender in a cloud.

Pope only entered the game for one play on defense, but he scored the Crimson's lone safety when he chased the quarterback out of the end zone. The Lions tallied two points when Crimson quarterback Sue Kinsley backed out of the endzone as Pope came around for a Statue of Liberty play.

"Maybe we should use sign language," Spectator coach Bob Abdoo said, according to a report filed by Crimson Dillon Shower Stall Editor, E. Hot Water Dionne.