A Touch of Garlic

Sports Illustrated has immortalized the "32 greatest teams of the decade" in its College Football Game (also known as "The Game"). Included in the kit are Princeton '64, Yale '68, and Dartmouth '70, and the key to authentic Ivy League action--a pair of dice.

So rejecting the play book and the talent chart, here's what Milton Bradley says:

Dartmouth-Holy Cross--The oddsmakers pick the Indians as a 21 point favorite, but consider the comparison. Dartmouth's defense is bigger, faster, more experienced, and the Indians have a history of strong defensive teams. On offense, the traditionally conservative Big Green has found several speedy backs and receivers that have brought a new, exciting playbook to Hanover. With experience, size, and talent on Dartmouth's side, anyone who was at Soldiers' Field last Saturday can predict the fortunes of the inexperienced Crusaders. Holy Cross 21, Dartmouth 16, and Ed Dougherty for Pope.

Cornell-Rutgers--The Scarlet Knights rolled up 32 points against Princeton, and Cornell's defense is far worse than the Tigers'. Rutgers gave up 350 yards in the air without losing on the scoreboard, and Cornell's passing attack is far weaker than Princeton's. Rutgers will crush Cornell, 35-0, but it will lose to Marinaro, 36-35.

Brown-Penn--On a dull Saturday, Brown's runners might wear out Penn, but after watching Drexel Tech vs. Lafayette, the fans at Franklin Field will be calling for action. And since Penn will beat Brown in soccer this morning, the gridiron team will carry the momentum into the game. Quaker quarterback Ron Dawson will go straight to the air for the bomb. Rhode Island (nationally acclaimed serial power that it is) went to the pass last weekend at Brown and scored two touchdowns without blinking. Penn will be airborn for four periods to a 28-13 victory.

Yale-Colgate--When I was little I had an electric football game. After two rugged seasons, the foil under the players got bent so that they either moved very slowly, or in a circle, or just fell over. But my 2 yellow back stayed in tiptop shape and before the end of every game he would outrun everyone for a long touchdown. Yale and Colgate will move slowly and fall over in a dull battle today, but Jauron will break one long run in the fourth quarter to end a slow, close game. Yale 17, Colgate 7.

Princeton-Columbia--The Tigers are right on schedule. Having lost (embarassingly) to a poor team before a large Princeton opening crowd last weekend, Princeton should be ready to win big away from home. The Tigers' ought to rent out Palmer Stadium and buy a fleet of busses. Rod Plummer passed for over 300 yards last Saturday. He will never pass for 100 yards again. But without Columbia's All-American Mike Pyszczymucha, the Columbia announcers and the Princeton running game will have a field day. Princeton 20, Columbia 7.

Harvard-Northeastern--Most of the football team took Fine Arts 13 pass-fail last year, so they know Northeastern exists and has a football team. With this pre-game knowledge and the distinct desire for revenge against local upstarts, the Crimson will be fighting to prove itself, or rather unprove its proven self. After a 24 point first halflead, the second string will come in for experience and the Crimson will hold on for a 24-14 triumph.