Crime Wins Again

The Crimson breezed to a 23-2 victory over the Dart Mouth Saturday, but the win may have been a pyrrhic victory that will shake the foundations of Cambridge's only breakfast table daily.

Leading 23-0 with only seconds remaining in the game, the Crimson took the ball over on downs and appeared headed to its first shutout in 97 years. However, quarterback Bob "Strict Constructionist" Decherd, employing a Southern strategy, ran due South out of the Harvard endzone on the final play of the game to ensure a 23-2 final margin.

"They may have silenced the flat bed press and opened the Sanctum, but they aren't going to mess with the sports cube," Decherd said. "There's got to be a stop to this iconoclastic movement,"

"Aw shucks," Crimson president Garrett Epps said. "I could have had the first shutout in my administration. Now I'm just another president."

Decherd said he was inspired in his final act by his college idol, Eric Crone.