Numbers

The vision of Jonathan the physics-clerk, son of Henry the sales manager, that came unto him as he was at wonk, concerning the fearful destiny of the sons of John and Eli.

In the thirteenth year of the reign of Nathan and in the third of the reign of Kingman a slew of winged seraphim spitting hellfire descended unto Jonathan, son of Henry, and he was sore afraid. "Lo," said one of the seraphim as with twain he did cover his eyes, and with twain he did cover his ears and with twain he did cover his mouth, making of consequence his "Lo" wondrously muffled.

At these words Jonathan paled and trembled and bade the angel of the Lord continue. "Surely," said the awesome one, "the sons of Eli are a numerous host numbering ten thousand in number on a clear day and numbering slightly less when playing away. The Lord would have three buckle up and fight them."

And Jonathan could not look at the face of the divine for fear of the spitting hellfire, but cowered behind his desk, even. "I know not if I am worthy to buckle and face these creatures for I know not if they be men or beasts."

Surely they are neither men nor beasts but swamp creatures from lands lying low to the sea, a race without females and hence vicious, though of recent times much chastened by tigers."

At these words Jonathan sank into shame for he was much afeared of tigers. The angel of the Lord was sore angry at this and proclaimed "Thou darest not be so slack of courage," and with twain he gave Jonathan a blow which made him sore.

Now Jonathan was strong of heart and body and his courage buoyed with the aid of the divine. He left his desk and buckled up for the encounter on the field of soldiery. But he turned back and queried the angel of the Lord, "Canst thou assure me that God will assure me victory over the sons of Eli when we buckle together if I buckle in good faith?"

And the angel of the Lord caused his countenance to shine upon Jonathan, "For thou to lose were like unto passing a needle through the eye of a camel, possible but extremely difficult." Jonathan was mightily glad at this and raised a joyous shout unto the Lord.

On hearing of the covenant the Lord had made with Jonathan many rejoiced and proclaimed the glad tidings. Others there were, like as glad, who kept their mouths shut and placed their bets.