'Crime' Whips 'Daily' For 92nd Year in Row

For the 92nd year in a row, the stout young lads of the undefeated, untied, and totally invincible CRIMSON touch football team clobbered their counterparts from the Yalie Daily this morning, 23-2. In the history of this great and ancient rivalry, the CRIMSON has outscored its opponents 2116 to 184.

The CRIMSON played its first game with a ragtail band of Yalies way back in 1874, exactly one year before the initial varsity contest. Inflamed by their ignominious 23-2 defeat, the men from Eli banded together the very next year to form the Yale newspaper, hoping the symbol of formal organization would help lure more agile atheletes to their ranks.

They had little success, as this morning's results demonstrate. Spearheaded by Andy "The Hulk" Beyer and inspired by Ex-Boston Patriot Cheerleader Maxie "Pom-Pom" Paisner, the well-oiled Crimson machine razzle-dazzled the befuddled Yalies into blue obscurity.