Cliffies Unyielding: Privacy Rates Over Safety Rules of Fire Marshal

Unsatisfied with immobilizing Cliffies by seizing their bicycles, Ralph B. Gates, Director of Buildings and Grounds, has threatened their social lives by declaring long phone cords illegal.

Although phone cords more than four feet long have always been forbidden, the need for privacy and quiet long ago drove dormitory residents to violate the college rule by asking the phone company to install an additional five feet of wire. This extra length makes it possible to talk in a room, rather than in the hall, frustrating eavesdroppers and pacifying studiers.

When Gates ordered the phone company to stop these modest extensions, calling them a "tripping hazard," Cliffies took more drastic measures.

Believing that an occasional sprained ankle is preferable to conducting private affairs in the hall, Cliffies learned to splice wires, and the problem was solved--until now.

Gates and his troops of "maintenance mechanics, insurance inspectors, and safety engineers" have spotted the long cords and demand their immediate removal.

Even the cords that a sympathetic serviceman has semi-legally installed must go, because, as Gates explained, "a long cord is a long cord and is, therefore, not allowed."

Fire Hazard

The college also claims that a long cord is a fire hazard. When asked if Cambridge has any laws against long cords, however, a spokesman for the fire department answered, "Of course not. What does that have to do with the fire department?"

As one Cliffie put it, "The girl across the hall is writing her thesis and I'm dating my nosey next door neighbor's brother. Besides, I've never yet had a phone conversation that would set anything on fire. Whether Buildings and Grounds likes it or not, I'm afraid that the long cord is here to stay."