With Elegant Methods of Deception Harvard Cheaters Beat The System

"Dear Mother," wrote the Harvard student in his empty bluebook, and so began another triumph in the endless battle against the graders and The System.

"I've finished my exam," he continued, "and I thought I'd drop you a line." At the end of the exam, the wily undergraduate handed in the letter, pocketed an empty bluebook, and raced back to his room. He then, looked up the answers, wrote them in the bluebook, and mailed it home.

When the "mistake" was discovered, the student phoned his mother, told her to mail the bluebook to the grader posthaste and sat back to wait his excellent grade.

Students who cheat at Harvard eschew the timeworn eliches. The very rich and/or very desperate have even been known to hire substitutes.

Another future leader of the world chose a less costly method. He doodled away in his notebook for three hours at his morning exam, then sped back to his room where he recorded the correct answers in another booklet. At 6 p.m. he sneaked back into the exam room with the booklet, stepped on it repeatedly, and left it on the floor for the janitor to find and return to the graders.

The "Goldfinger technique" involves the insertion of a tiny transistorized receiver in the ear. At the smoking break, one smuggles the questions to a fleetfooted accomplice, waiting in the wings. He researches the answers and dictates them via transmitter to the listening exam-taker.

Many traditionalists adhere to the old-fashioned methods, such as planting a roll of annotated toilet paper in the bathroom before the exam, or handing in a bluebook marked "second of two" and rushing back with book one four hours later.

However, ambitious Harvard students should not be overawed by the illustrious examples of their predecessors. The field of inspired cheating provides infinite opportunities for the talented and audacious amatour.