A Solution to the Off-Campus Problem

All right, you girls, is everybody out? Very nice. Very nice. Thought this was just a fire drill, didn't you. (Soft laughter.) Well, not exactly. (Chuckles.)

You there! Back! I saw you make a break for the door. Just wrap that towel around your shoulders a little better, keep moving and you'll keep warm.

You with the book--that's right, throw it in. Culture schmulture you big smarties--Man, look at that light. Scotland's burning, Scotland's burning, pour on water, pour on water...

OK, in twos everybody. Line up. Partners. First four girls go on over to Barnard--they have places for you in the laundry room and smokers. Next four to Moors. Let's see--that about finishes the room space in the dormitories. All you girls have places, don't you? Hmmm. Well, suppose you eleven stick together for the time being. We'll find you something nice in the Health Center. I always thought there was something a little sick about you off-campus dames anyway! Hey, that's good one!

Yesirree, a fine fire. Beautiful. Wow! There goes another chimney! Careful everyone--stand back. Watch out for the flying balcony! Good thing the new one will be made out of cement blocks and steel girders.

Shuddup there--can't you see this is a serious business. Quit whimpering.