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8 Takeaways From Harvard’s Task Force Reports

No Crime

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

Nobody is quite sure what Patriots' Day commemorates. It has been rumored to be an observance of the first running of the Boston Marathon, the founding of Harvard College and the birthday of Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy.

An exhaustive CRIMSON study led to the startling revelation that the holiday is in honor of the beginning of the American Revolution. In honor of this discovery there will be no Crime this Monday.

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