'Tickle His Tummy' Miss Berates Tells Confused, Lonely 'Cliffie Soph

Editor's note: Despite its serens, happy exterior, the Summer School is actually a turbulent breeding ground of emotional traumas. Since most students are too shy to discuss their problems with Health Service personnel, and because few have confidence in the columnists who paddle instant psychoanalysis in the local tabloids, the great majority of emotional disturbances grow and fester, leaving ugly scars on the victims.

This summer, however, students eager to find answers for their most vexing problems have been turning in increasing numbers to Miss Radcliffe Berates, a highly attractive, brilliantly articulate and piercingly perceptive 'Cliffie. With her talent for sharp, concise, penetrating analysis, Miss Berates has often been able to find solutions that have eluded the most highly paid analyists.

In this issue the Summer News proudly presents a few of the many letters in Miss Berates' file. If you have a problem, write to Miss Berates, care of the Harvard Summer News, 14 Plympton St., Cambridge 38, Mass.

Dear Miss Berates:

Last Saturday, I was very insulted at this party. There were all these girls who, when I said I went to Harvard, said that they preferred Yale men. What should I do? CRIMSON

Dear Crimson: Transfer to Yale.

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Dear Miss Berates:

When I was very young my Father told me that sooner or later I would have to solve my Oedipla deliemma. Since I did not then know what means Oedipla dliemma nor could I then nor can I now even spel Oedipla deliiemma, I was, to say the least, confused. I went to my mother to find out what means Oedipla deliemea, and there developed between us a lasting relationship. I have recently found out what means Oedipla delimme and my question to you is how do I go about solving my Oedipla delimma and also how do you spell delimmer.   M.F.

Dear M.F.: D-i-l-e-m-m-a.

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Dear Miss Berates:

I am 5 ft 3 in. tall, have blond hair and blue eyes, and live in Briggs Hall during the school year. I was appalled to discover during my freshman year that Harvard boys disdain Radcliffe girls. I have always been considered attractive and did not anticipate social difficulties in college. As you are, I assume, a socially active 'Cliffie, I wish you would tell me your secret.   LONELY CLIFF-DWELLER

Dear Lonely:

Beneath the suavely sophisticated exterior of each and every Harvard boy there beats a soft and mushy heart. The secret is simply to attack the heart and not the suavely sophisticated exterior.

Incidentally, the first step is to practice saying over and over again the pat phrase "Harvard man" in place of the self-defeating phrase "Harvard boy."

These Harvard boys have developed an impregnable line of defense, so the idea is to avoid these entirely. You may compare this to the winning of a pet dog. There is no point in trying to match nails and teeth, but it is a relatively simple matter to turn him on his back and tickle his tummy. It is then easy to slip a collar on him.

Once the noose is unobtrusively slipped about his neck, reel out and let him run. A slight tug at various points during the romance can be used as a check, but if you tug too often, he will catch on and cut loose.

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Dear Miss Berates:

I am an old lady of 101 who has not had a date in over fifty years. I am very rich though slightly elderly and am really anxious, not to say hot, for a little community entertainment. Do you know of any single adult men of my age who are really able to give me what I want?   GOLDER THAN GOLDEN AGE

Dear Gold:

If you qualify, the number to call is 356-5150.

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Dear Miss Berates:

My roommate has been going out with a really nice chic from Simmons for about a month now. Even though I've only met her twice, I would honestly like to take her out. Unfortunately, there are complications. My other roommate asked my first roommate if he could take her out. My first roommate said no. Besides, I don't have a car and would have to borrow my roommate's car to take out his girl. What do you suggest?   FRUSTRATED

Dear Frustrated: Try the MTA.

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Dear Miss Berates:

For nearly three months I have been dating a very nice Radcliffe girl who lives in Briggs Hall. This summer she moved to an apartment with several roommates, two of them from Smith.

While I still like the 'Cliffie and may want to date her in the fall, I have almost fallen in love with her roommate from Smith. I think this girl, call her Sally, likes me, but I don't know how to handle the relationship. If I wait until next fall when she goes back to Smith she may think I really don't like her, but if I take her out now the 'Cliffie may be hurt.

Please tell me what to do.   CONFUSED

Dear Confused:

A bird on the cliff is worth two that have flown.