News
Summers Will Not Finish Semester of Teaching as Harvard Investigates Epstein Ties
News
Harvard College Students Report Favoring Divestment from Israel in HUA Survey
News
‘He Should Resign’: Harvard Undergrads Take Hard Line Against Summers Over Epstein Scandal
News
Harvard To Launch New Investigation Into Epstein’s Ties to Summers, Other University Affiliates
News
Harvard Students To Vote on Divestment From Israel in Inaugural HUA Election Survey
FULLERTON, CAL., May 10-A crowd of 25,000 is expected here Friday afternoon at 4 p.m. for the first intercollegiate elephant racing championships. Harvard's team of Sonita (the elephant) and Joe Russia (the mahout) has been installed as second favorite on the morning line, at odds of 2 to 1.
The favorite for the contest in front of the largest (and only) crowd ever to witness an intercollegiate elephant race is Orange State, the home team. The Orange appear to have the biggest elephant and the most experienced mahout, and should go off at odds of 3 to 2.
Harvard will compete in the varsity division. The first event will be the "Happi Bagh" (elephant run), which is a sprint. Then comes the "Poni Cohn" (water thief), in which the elephants must carry a bucket of water in their trunks without getting the mahouts wet.
The other two events are the "Makhma Russin arrived in Los Angeles at 1 a.m. this morning, and was greeted by a huge delegation of seven students carrying a "Hail Harvard" sign. He toured Disneyland with several beautiful girls, and is staying, free of charge, at "the most luxurious motel I've ever seen in my life." Russin said he learned that in elephant racing one must speak in a firm, deep voice. The two key words are "Rush!" (get going), and "Sabu!" (Stop). The Crimson mahout said he has been practicing the second of these carefully, since once elephants get mad enough to run, they've been known to go for four or five hours without stopping." "It it dangerous?" Russia was asked. "Damn right," he replied.
Russin arrived in Los Angeles at 1 a.m. this morning, and was greeted by a huge delegation of seven students carrying a "Hail Harvard" sign. He toured Disneyland with several beautiful girls, and is staying, free of charge, at "the most luxurious motel I've ever seen in my life."
Russin said he learned that in elephant racing one must speak in a firm, deep voice. The two key words are "Rush!" (get going), and "Sabu!" (Stop). The Crimson mahout said he has been practicing the second of these carefully, since once elephants get mad enough to run, they've been known to go for four or five hours without stopping."
"It it dangerous?" Russia was asked. "Damn right," he replied.
Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.