Crisis in High Places

"In view of the increasing numbers of qualified applicants in recent years, Harvard Law School and Business School have decided to make drastic revisions in their admissions policies." (News Item)

Once upon a time, after de third millenium since de foundin ob Heaven, de Lawd and all his advisory Boa'd of Seraphim sat 'roun in a big smoke-filled room which was kep' ventilated by some angels flapping deah wings. "Peter," said de Lawd, "You is de Chairman ob Admission and Angelships. What's dis ah hear about obercrowdin' ob de heavenly palaces?"

"You heered right," said Peter. "We got fo'tynine percent mo' spirits as we got room fo'. People ain't so develish as dey used to be, an mo' of dem wants to get into Heaven. We's either gwine haf to lease eternity rights from de devil fo' mo' livin' space or else crack down on de applicants."

"Hmmm," say de Lawd, and all de Seraphim put down deah cigars to listen. Dis made de angels happy cause dey was gettin mighty tired flapping deah wings and was hoping de Lawd would install automatic air-conditioning. "Hmmm," say de Lawd again, "De old Piety Test has got to go. Wid de permission of de Boa'd, ah'd like to pass a miracle. Dis is gwine be a restricting miracle on de Piety Test Rules, Miracle I, Section fifty-nine: 'Salvation by piety, dat is our aim.' Let de clause now read: 'Salvation by piety and extra-curricular activities, dat is our aim.' Ah'm gwine to throw a little lightnin bolt now to cleah up de red tape."

Whamm! Bam! Wowee! And after it was all over, de Lawd say, "Much obliged to you, Peter and de Seraphim. I think we has saved Eternity fo at least another millenium. Dis meeting is adjourned."