Here It Is!

"Do you know the 291 magic words that can make the difference between your success and failure?" Dexter Davis does; in fact, he probably knows upwards of 300 or 350 magic words. I suppose a man's got to save up something for his old age but at least he's willing to part with a big chunk of them at nominal rates. Mr. Davis supplies enough to "gain you that mastery of language that will open the door to your heart's desires" This, of course, is all very fine for Yale, where the book is a standard text in English, Psychology, and ROTC courses. It has been my experience at Harvard, however, that few undergraduates are self-confident enough to approach a pocket book vendor or financially successful enough to blow 35 cents on a gamble. It might be propitious (pro-pish-us) then, to mention the high points of the text perceptively (pur-sep-tiv-Ice) and with acumen (a-kyoo-men).

First of all, you probably go about giving dull compliments, using words like good, yummy, fine, etc. Nothing is duller than a compliment like, "You're certainly very etc." Mr. Davis counsels:

Improve on: "Thanks a million."

Someone gave you an expensive gift and you were naturally delighted with such lavish generosity. You are thoughtful in your thanks when you declare: "You've been munificent." Or--"Thanks for your munificent gift."

Mr. Davis guarantees success with this method, since people treasure these little accolades. (Accolades is not in the book, but if you ever care to use it, it's pronounced ak-oh-laids.) He also contributes an annecdote: "For example, a middle-aged woman proudly recalled that a high school boy friend had called her ravishing." What a middle-aged woman is doing with a high school boy friend anyway Mr. Davis seems willing to leave to N. V. Peale. But the principle is sound and if you should want to compliment a young lady, he is full of tips:

3. Does her attractiveness arouse men's emotions? Perhaps it arouses them to thoughts of affection, love, or that so called devil, sex.

"You look very provocative (provoke-a tiv)."

4. Do her full feminine curves delight men?

"You look voluptuous (vo-lup-tyoo-us)."

Mr. Davis nowhere explains why you must repeat each adjective twice; I gather young women of his acquaintance just can't get enough of those magic words.

Feeling that in the modern world the social graces are just nothing without a touch of psychology, the author includes incisive definitions of common Freudian terms:

5. Why is Jim always telling jokes? Well, he is a homely fellow and tries to compensate for this drawback by entertaining people with jokes. Compensation is the defense mechanism by which one tries to make up for an inferiority by striving to gain recognition is some other sphere. The inferiority may be real or imagined.

Well maybe so, but Jim had been coming along so well and now he's back in his shell. No reason to do that to a man.

Space limitations regrettably prevent quoting in full his "Twelve Compliments That Will Bring You More Dinner Invitations" or the chapter "Art Becomes More Fascinating When You Know These Eight Famous Styles." Pretty risky to pass up his art quiz, however:

4. IMPRESSIONISM

A. shows artist's analysis of details?

B. shows artist's immediate, general reaction?

C. attempts to impress people?

5. ABSTRACT

A. painted only as squares, triangles, and circles,

B. aesthetic designs that are not intended to represent real objects?

C. painted while the artist is blind folded?

If you chose C in both instances, you are an incurable wag and don't deserve success or popularity anyway. Mr. Davis is very firm about humor. You are to write down all jokes and then "brush up on your humor just before you want to use it. This technique is used by some of the most successful salesmen." Of course, that's what Jim used to do, and how far did it get him? Come to think of it. I'll bet Davis isn't so darned good looking. Fat from all those dinners.

That's about it. You now have the key to success in your hands and it has sprung open many a Yale lock. (Thanks, Jim.)