Valentines Feature Insults, Not Hearts

Arsenic is replacing lace on the Valentine cards sold in local stores this year, according to Square merchants.

The vow of eternal affection may be becoming only a memory, but that does not mean people are buying fewer cards. Insulting Valentines are selling in unprecedented numbers.

A few of the insults are subtle; the vast majority rely on a change of tone on the inside page. "You've got a dual personality," coos the cover of one. "And nobody likes either of them," snarls page three.

The minority who prefer to send more traditional cards tend to be sensitive about their choice. "Boys often hand us their Valentines price side up and hope we won't turn them over," one salesgirl said.