Crimeds Beat Updike Therd Poonies Made to Eat Ibis

The Cambridge chapter of the Junior Birdmen of America straggled back to its Bow St. aviary Friday evening after incurring one of the most disastrous sports weekends in recent Crimson history. Moaned Curator John H. Updike last night, "Our follows just aren't cut out for this sort of thing. From here on in we will stick to developing the possibility of 3-Dimensional techniques as applied to a little-appreciated corner of the cinematic art."

The Birdmen, known affectionately as The Flock, started off their dreary afternoon by dropping the annual baseball game, 23 to 2. Ace Crimson moundsman Mickey "The Kid" Maccoby, known affectionately to his teammates as "the Weasel," retired the entire Poonie aggregation on one pitch, his famous "blackball." Explaining his use of this dreaded weapon, Maccoby said, "It matters not if you won or lost, but who you let play in your game."

A two-year domination of the Charles by the Lampoon was ended later Friday afternoon as the Crimson eight, stroked by Alan N. Riselbach'53, whipped out a five-length victory over the Poonie crew. Rowing an upstream course from the River St. to the Weeks bridges, the Crimson got off to a quick start and was never headed. At one point, the Poon's stern four raised the strake to a heady 24, but its bow four resolutely stuck to a 14. Much comment was elicited by the Poon's use of the unique "centipede" style of rowing.

Retreat into the Aviary

After the crew race, the disconsolate funnymen retired to their dank castle and refused to see reporters or Crimeds. "We'd like to invite you up, "said a spokesman for Updike, "but frankly, we're busted. It's those Halberstam twins, David and Jonathan we're afraid of," he explained.