Crime Prexy Abducted; Bird Spurns 'Poon

An intensive search by the Federal Bureau of Mission Birds last night located John H. Ibis '54 calmly tippling in a local saloon. Ibis was reported mission Thursday morning.

Ibis heatedly denied charges by his former associates, The Harvard Lampoon, Inc., of 1 Bird St., that he had been abducted.

"I'm through," he said. "Finished, Fed up. I flew the coop myself. I say it's incredibis and I say the hell with it."

Looking haggard, unshaven, and green around the axillarys, Ibis went on to charge his society brothers with "mental cruelty, sadism, and neglect. . . . All they did was laugh, laugh, laugh," he said. "And drink martinis dry martinis."

"All that was almost bearable," he continued. "But when they told me they were going to vast me for their annual dinner, that was the last straw. 'Roast Ibis.' Ugh," he shuddered. "Imagine it--eaten like an ordinary bird. For soup, they were planning to have 'Ibis bisque.'"

Asked what he thought of the Lampoon as a publication, Ibis sighed and brought froth an image: "It's like chamber music with a bawdy brass chair interrupting all the time." But his distaste was tinged with a shade of admiration.

"Those guys," he said, "sure are colossal brasses."