Tyro Tells Tales of Twisted Trails But Warns Amateur of Ski Pitfalls

There's an old Scandanavian maxim which states, "Skiing is Believing." To a person who has never been on skils the applicability of this proverb seems dubious, but those who have experienced the thrills of twisting trails may only repeat this to each other and sagely need their heads, recollecting old days on the Suicide Six.

More than any other sport, the basic philosophy of skiing demands incredible, child-like belief in self-torture. From the first day of a skiing career when one learns how to permanently twist his legs through a stop known as the "herring-bone" to the day when he finally succeeds in relieving himself by breaking them off leaping from a 60 meter jump, the skiier must be firmly convinced that permanent mutilation is not too severe a price to pay for a few days on the slopes.

The Warm Way

Although Farquar Shussboomer, a noted skimeister once claimed that you can't learn to ski in your living room, his arguments were disputed three weeks ago by the winner of the Askawan Mountain Open who stated that he had practiced skiing for six years without ever leaving his house. Considerable research has been carried on since this amazing idea was brought forth, and although results of this study are not yet complete, there is strong evidence that drawing room skiing is much more difficult than the outdoor version.

To assist the beginning skiier, there are at least three types of slopes at every skiing resort. These are strangely named: the beginner's hill, the intermediate slopes, and the advanced trails. The philosophy behind these titles is one of the mysteries which have baffled sporting experts for years.

Slopes Slope

Because the beginning skier has no knowledge of the techniques of slowing down, he travels very fast on his skiis. However, to stop him from going too fast, beginner's slopes are usually almost flat. As the skiier advances, he learns to hinder his progress by slowing up more effectively. To balance this the intermediate slopes are a little steeper than those for the beginner. The science of skiing is, therefore, a mathematical progression. The steeper the slope of the hill is, the slower the experienced skiier is able to go.

As far as slowing down is concerned, there are lots of ways, the most effective being exhibited by a young lady up above somewhere.

Advanced trails are created on the idea that skiiers can stop anywhere, and consequently are almost verticle. And when a person is ready for the advanced trails, he can go just about as fast as he could when he started.