Yardlings Grapple with Hemp As University Gnaws Its Nails

Simian Yardlings and any of their colleagues living above the ground floor are expected to swing around on ropes in the Indoor Athletic Building sometime this week to perfect their abilities in using the Yard's unique fire-escape equipment.

Under the terms of orders emanating from University Hall all upper-story residents of "non-fireproof halls" are to appear to get instruction from the University Safety Patrol on how to undulate down the side of a buildings on hempen strands with flames flicking from windows enroute. The order fixes specific compulsory times for attendance but stresses that more precocious Yardlings will be permitted to put in extra time hanging around on the cables.