Harvard's Iron Curtain

Standing grim and invincible, the Wigglesworth gate has long been the nemesis of late returning Yardlings. Deaf to their most suppliant pleas, the truculent barrier has continually forced weary revelers to make a long trek through the barren Cambridge wastes to other, more understanding entries to the Yard. Numerous petitions from the Humane Society of Footsore Freshmen, interviews with expensive psychiatrists, and the sight of tiny Yardling bodies freezing in the snow before the merciless gate have all failed to unlock the snaggle-toothed jaws of Wigglesworth.

Traditionally bellicose, the policy of the Wigglesworth gate has frustrated Freshmen from the year one. Unable to enter the Yard by the accustomed portal, many now students have wandered off into the darkness never to return. Although the University authorities have tried to keep this horrible news from the student body, the tale has spread like wildfire. The magnitude of its effect can hardly be underestimated. Erstwhile socialites are reluctant to leave their rooms for fear of perishing in the night, and those hardy spirits venturing forth after dark take precaution to equip themselves with the latest survival gear and leave instructions for their rescue by the Cambridge Troop of St. Bernard dogs.

But the most far reaching effect of the gate's truculence has been to instill a phobia against all gates in the malleable minds of Freshmen. Passers-by are shocked to see healthy students balk before the gates, spin around, and scrabble over the walls surrounding the Yard rather than face the mental strain of a passage through the menacing doors.

To combat the neurosis that is destroying the minds of normally red-blooded Harvard men, the University authorities have undertaken an extensive research into the psychology of gates. Gates, normal gates, are generally quite cooperative and sociable people, opening at the slightest touch. But the Wigglesworth gate is a black sheep among gates, his unhappy life as an outcast obviously due to an abnormal mind. Further research has determined the cause of his twisted character to be a midnight accident with a heavy truck gone berserk. Misshapen and bitter Wigglesworth swore to close the Yard to all suspicious characters after dark. At last the mystery of Harvard's iron curtain has been revealed. Freshmen, over sympathetic to the woes of all men, will no longer be afraid of gates, and most important of all, perhaps the Wigglesworth gate will yield to the salve of psychiatry. Already there are indications that the mentally sick gate is on the road to complete normalcy by staying open an entire week. But whether or not there are relapses, the Wigglesworth gate is regaining its health and can be expected to join the Harvard Fellowship of Agreeable Gates in the near future.