News

Harvard Quietly Resolves Anti-Palestinian Discrimination Complaint With Ed. Department

News

Following Dining Hall Crowds, Harvard College Won’t Say Whether It Tracked Wintersession Move-Ins

News

Harvard Outsources Program to Identify Descendants of Those Enslaved by University Affiliates, Lays Off Internal Staff

News

Harvard Medical School Cancels Class Session With Gazan Patients, Calling It One-Sided

News

Garber Privately Tells Faculty That Harvard Must Rethink Messaging After GOP Victory

'Take Me, Luscious,' Says Network Swain, Nabs Skirted Spoils

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

Sex, with a capital X, reached a new high last night as six College students used their phone techniques (strictly from Adam Lazonga) to vie for the dubious honor of dates with three sweet young things who hail from an adjacent college. The setting was the crimson Network's 9 o'clock broadcast of its new program, "Wolf Calls."

Beating anything for which Groucho Marx or Marx or Bob Hope was ever thrown off the ether, the protagonists of the Bell System melted down three mikes with their sizzling retorts, forcing the Network to announce suspension of the program unless an asbestos microphone could be obtained.

Said the first "winner ," Lewis S. Lamoreaux '47, "I don't know much about Boston. I'm afraid all I can offer you is myself."

His glamorous judge, "Libby" Jackson, answered, "I've been here for three years and there's still some things I haven't done. We'll do 'em all."

Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.

Tags